[00:00:06] Speaker A: Welcome to from caving in to crushing it, the podcast for those who find themselves immersed in adversity and choose to write their story instead of having others write it for them. I'm Drew Duraney, and I'm your host. Today's guest is Barry Cohen. For over 40 years, Barry has plied his trade in the media and publishing field. For the past 25 years, Barry has served as principal of New Jersey based ad Lab Media Communications, LLC, a firm specializing in natural consumer products. His current activity involves elevating the status of entrepreneurs and professionals through thought leadership, authority, marketing and publicity. Prior to that, he held positions with New York radio stations WPAT and WOR, and served as general manager of WKCW of Virginia radio station.
Barry is the author of a widely reviewed advertising guidebook for smaller companies entitled ten Ways to screw up an ad campaign. He is co author of the books startup Smarts and Coming Home, plus ten ways to get sued by anyone and everyone. The small Business Owner's guide to staying out of court. In addition, he has edited or promoted two dozen books for other authors. Barry has also written guest columns in a wide variety of magazines. A familiar speaker on advertising, publicity and publishing, Barry has addressed national and regional organizations.
Enjoy the show. Barry, it's so great to see you.
[00:01:38] Speaker B: Great to see you, Drew.
[00:01:40] Speaker A: Thank you so much for coming on.
Every time I bring somebody in, I always have to thank, or I want to thank the person who introduced us, and I want to thank the great Jojo Lariccia for introducing the two of us, and I'm just grateful for her. So I wanted. Want to shout out to Jojo, she.
[00:02:00] Speaker B: Is amazing, isn't she?
[00:02:02] Speaker A: So, Barry, when the first time we spoke, I was very impressed with who you are as a human being. And that's basically the first criteria to come onto this show. The other criteria is you've had to efface something in your life and acknowledged it and took it on head on, and you did that. And in life, when we were growing up, and it's not malicious, but we're taught that life is linear. If you do the steps, 12345 is going to happen, and inevitably, that's not true. Something gets in the way of those numbers and puts us in a different direction.
There are defining moments in life that sometimes we see and sometimes we don't see, and even if we see them, sometimes we don't take advantage of them. I believe you have.
If you could, Barry, reach back as far as you need to reach in your life and select that defining moment where it was either that tap on the shoulder or that two by four upside the head that you realized, God, Barry, there's a better way to live. And I'm going to take this on as an opportunity to make my life better. Can you share that?
[00:03:10] Speaker B: Sure.
I had started my first business, and I was like so many entrepreneurs, just hell bent on success, you know, I was doing the 70 hours weeks, and I made the mistake of pulling my wife in and asking her to do the same. And it was crazy, you know, we were living this nutso life. And of course, eventually she threw in the towel and said, I'm not doing this anymore.
Our big mistake was that we shouldn't. We should have stopped working together and stuff instead of stopped living together, wound up in divorce. And it was the two by four, right? Because I did not see it coming. But the big but was that, you know, I filled my head with all the good stuff at the time. I was reading and listening to tapes and whatever, all the inspirational stuff, and I realized what was really important. And I realized that, you know, what should have happened, as I said, was, don't stop living together, stop working together. And it was too late in that sense.
So the learning was fast forward. Seven years later, we actually remarried.
[00:04:23] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. Yes.
[00:04:25] Speaker B: It's the silver lining to the cloud.
And I started another business, but I started the next business with the knowledge and the forethought, based on the hindsight to not make the same mistake again.
[00:04:39] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:04:40] Speaker B: Instead of worrying that, well, you know, maybe. Maybe I won't get enough clients if I don't service them around the clock.
I set boundaries. I set limits.
I literally said, you know, okay, eight to eight, Monday to Friday, I'm working, but after that, I'm yours. And of course, as time went on, I cut back a little more on that and made sure that I just did not duplicate the mistakes of the past.
[00:05:07] Speaker A: Wow. That a congratulations to be able to think of the positive things, even during that divorce. And you went to you. So I know a lot of men. I did. I shunned all the stuff I would like what? In a pity party, you went right to the positive stuff to see the good in it, and you ended up with, after you had those seven years, to, like, probably decompress and contemplate what happened. You didn't make the same mistake twice, and love came around the second time around with the same person, and that you don't. We don't hear that that often. So I'm happy. I'm happy that worked out.
[00:05:45] Speaker B: And I'll add, Drew. That's 26 years ago.
[00:05:49] Speaker A: Wow. I love it. And it's still going strong. Well, Barry, thank you for sharing that, because if nothing else, that's inspiration for people out there who have gone through divorce and not necessarily thinking you're going to get back with the one before, but if you live life positively, that anything can happen.
[00:06:06] Speaker B: Right. And, you know, one of the books that I read was actually written by a reverend by the name of Jim Smoke. Okay. The book was called growing through divorce. And his whole premise was, you can go through it or you can grow through it.
[00:06:19] Speaker A: Wow. Growing through divorce. That. That's enlightening. And you're right. Just that change of adding one letter. Right, right. Or the spelling, too. But the point is, just a little tweak of your mindset can shift your whole thought process, and you did that.
[00:06:36] Speaker B: So true.
[00:06:37] Speaker A: So how in those seven years, the adjustment from not being married anymore and getting through it, when.
[00:06:47] Speaker B: How did.
[00:06:47] Speaker A: At first, how did you guys get back together and what did you have to do up here? And even in learning how to have conversations better and communicate better with your wife, how did that happen?
[00:07:00] Speaker B: Well, actually, she called me, okay. It was a message on my answering machine. She wanted to meet me for coffee, and I was very guarded at first, but I let my guard down, and if I didn't, I wouldn't be here today as I am. So fortunately, you know, we listen to each other. We, you know, we tolerate each other, and we have to bend and flex for each other.
[00:07:26] Speaker A: Okay.
Bend and flex. I like that you didn't say bend or break because a lot of times we stop who we are and become somebody else because we're with somebody.
You were able to still be Barry Cohen, the individual, and find a way to still be the couple and be happy in both, right?
[00:07:52] Speaker B: Very much so, yeah.
[00:07:54] Speaker A: How'd you do that?
[00:07:55] Speaker B: Well, you know, I guess it was just the realization that you're not going to find another person who is your soulmate.
[00:08:04] Speaker A: Right.
[00:08:05] Speaker B: You know, unless you want to spend your whole life searching for them.
[00:08:08] Speaker A: Right, right.
[00:08:09] Speaker B: It's. It's not about finding somebody else. It's about finding each other.
[00:08:13] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:08:14] Speaker B: Really finding who each other is.
[00:08:17] Speaker A: Right.
[00:08:18] Speaker B: And, you know, other things, you know, you mentioned the roadblocks and the things that come up, you know, that interrupt whatever. You know, we wound up taking her mother in, who was widowed and elderly and, you know, living with us for 17 years. So you have to make a lot of adjustments.
[00:08:35] Speaker A: Sure. Absolutely.
[00:08:36] Speaker B: You know, that's your test of strength.
[00:08:38] Speaker A: Yes, absolutely. Yeah. I love it that it's adjustments, because a lot of times I often say that. Now I say it that compromise is not the answer. Collaboration is the answer.
[00:08:50] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:08:50] Speaker A: When you compromise, somebody's going to lose. It's actually both lose because you're giving up something. But collaboration and cooperation, you meet towards a common goal, and you don't give up something. So, no, I love that. And thank you for sharing that with us.
It's okay. You want to introduce who's over there with you? It's fine.
[00:09:11] Speaker B: Sorry, she just stepped out.
[00:09:13] Speaker A: All right. What's going to be interesting is I just had talked to somebody. I'm actually going to have the first couple on the podcast in a few months. So that's going to be interesting.
[00:09:24] Speaker B: You're going to get to play referee.
[00:09:26] Speaker A: It's going to be fun. It'll be fun. It'll be a nice test. So. All right. So, Barry, so what was the initial company you had when the divorce happened? And then what company were you, what business were you involved in when things started to work out?
[00:09:41] Speaker B: Okay, so it was an advertising agency back in the 1990s, whatever. It was home based, um, late eighties, early nineties. And it was home based and very small, just the two of us.
[00:09:56] Speaker A: Right.
[00:09:57] Speaker B: And, you know, you know, completely different setup this time. This time, a longtime coworker and friend approached me and asked me to go into business with him.
[00:10:08] Speaker A: Oh, okay.
[00:10:09] Speaker B: And we started off right from the beginning as an audio video production house, and we added other services, media buying, focus groups, you know, public relations, whatever. And it evolved. And unfortunately, five years ago, my friend of 40 years, business partners, 20 years, passed away very suddenly.
[00:10:26] Speaker A: Oh, I'm sorry. Okay.
[00:10:27] Speaker B: Yeah. So, again, you know, you talk about adjustments.
[00:10:30] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:10:31] Speaker B: Shut down the offices and studios, began working from home, but I shifted my focus as well.
[00:10:38] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:10:38] Speaker B: Since I. Since I had become an author and had promoted my work, and other people were coming to me right and left asking for help with their book projects. I made my primary focus, publishing and publicity.
[00:10:49] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:10:50] Speaker B: So now I spend 85% of my time helping aspiring authors to get their work out.
[00:10:56] Speaker A: Oh, I love that. Absolutely. That's interesting that.
Have you always had a passion for writing?
[00:11:05] Speaker B: Ever since my teens, yes. I knew I wanted to do it. I just didn't know how to go about it. My mother used to say to me, collect your rejection slips. And she was right. You know, I would send ideas for articles, out magazines, and I had an envelope for rejectionless lips. And here's the thing that I learned. When you become something of an expert in a field.
[00:11:23] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:11:24] Speaker B: Then people start seeking you out, and that's where the writing began. You know, I started writing columns for trade magazines in the broadcast industry that I had come out of okay. And then, you know, next thing was the books.
[00:11:37] Speaker A: So that's a very good point, though.
Many of us now we're hearing, oh, just follow your passion. And that can be what you do. And then we're like, then people worry about the how. How am I going to monetize my passion? So if you were to coach somebody in, find your strength, find your passion, monetize your passion, what do you have advice for people who've had to do that? Because I believe you're passionate about what you're doing now, correct?
[00:12:08] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:12:09] Speaker A: And we know you're good at what you're doing, and I'm assuming you're getting paid for what you're doing. So if you could maybe shorten the learning cycle for somebody out there where.
[00:12:20] Speaker B: You were years ago, I think the first thing they have to do is take an inventory of their strengths, know their weaknesses, and set up system to compensate for the weaknesses. So whether it's a partner or whether it's a virtual assistant or something to complement, in my case, for example, my business partner was the tech guy, the business. The business guy. We are both creative guys. So, you know, start by defining and refining your purpose, your mission, your strengths, your weaknesses.
[00:12:53] Speaker A: Right.
[00:12:53] Speaker B: And then I always tell everybody this, find an unserved or underserved niche that you can super serve and dominate. Right. When you do that, the path becomes clear.
[00:13:05] Speaker A: Right.
[00:13:06] Speaker B: It almost unfolds itself to you.
You know, where you see a need in the marketplace?
[00:13:12] Speaker A: Absolutely unfulfilled.
I love that process. And you talked about finding your purpose. And once you find your purpose and you know the direction you're going, patience is really a virtue in that, isn't it?
[00:13:29] Speaker B: Because it is. And patience is a virtue. But also, you can't just be in it for the money.
[00:13:36] Speaker A: Right.
[00:13:36] Speaker B: And I'm sure you've heard this from others. The money will come.
[00:13:40] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:13:40] Speaker B: But if you're only in it for the money, people are going to see that.
[00:13:43] Speaker A: Yes, absolutely.
[00:13:45] Speaker B: You know, if your commitment is to the people you're working with, I'll give you a quick example. Here's a story for you.
94 year old gentleman who was the premier pr guy to all the stars in the music business, had written his memoirs, was referred to me, asked me to edit the book.
[00:14:04] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:14:04] Speaker B: We went all the way through the process. This is a guy that was reading the New York Times every day at 94, in the middle of the process, glaucoma robbed him of his vision.
[00:14:12] Speaker A: Oh, no.
[00:14:13] Speaker B: I went to his house and I sat across the table and I read my edits to his book aloud to him for his approval, because my commitment was no matter what, his book was going to get out.
[00:14:25] Speaker A: Oh, I love that.
[00:14:26] Speaker B: I had a sample copy in his hand. He died a couple weeks later.
[00:14:29] Speaker A: Oh, boy. And his book's now out.
God bless. Oh, man. He had his legacy in his hand when he passed.
That's an amazing story. That does explain how you will go out there to finish the job for your clients. That's an amazing story.
[00:14:46] Speaker B: It's all about service.
Paul J. Meyer, the guy that started leadership management international in Waco, Texas, said, develop a servant's heart. You know, it's the zig Ziglar philosophy. You get more what you want by helping other people get what they want.
[00:14:59] Speaker A: Absolutely. That's so true. You know, and stuff does come back to you when you are truly altruistic and you and the whole givers gain. You do get back without focusing on getting back.
[00:15:14] Speaker B: Sure. You know, I've had people that I approach them or they approached me, and we wound up maybe not doing business for a year or so once we started doing business and they saw what I was able to do for them and they appreciated the way I operated. The referrals just keep coming, right?
[00:15:30] Speaker A: Absolutely. Absolutely.
And you always have to believe in yourself and not be chasing the result when you're an entrepreneur. I think a lot of us do chase the result, and we're running forever.
So. Yeah, I love that. I just posted something about, how do you, how do you live your life? Do you live life in a be, do and have or a have, do and be? And a lot of us, and I used to be like, if I have this, then I will do this, then I will be rather. The other way around is better. You just be who you are, live in service and kindness, and then you'll end up doing things for the right reasons, and then whatever you want will start to have. And I love that approach because it really is the essence of the service industry that we provide.
[00:16:28] Speaker B: So true. If you saw the movie Bohemian Rhapsody, the story of Freddie Mercury.
[00:16:34] Speaker A: Mercury, yeah.
[00:16:35] Speaker B: That was his father's advice to him.
[00:16:38] Speaker A: Was just to be, do and then have.
And he did. And he lived that life that way until he died. He did. He absolutely did. So I'm wondering about your business now. Can you share what it's like working with you as a first time author, because I know authors. They don't know what they don't know. So tell me what that's like, that whole process.
[00:17:06] Speaker B: Sure, Drew. The first thing is to assess where they are, because I'll meet them wherever they are on the journey. There are some people that come to me, and all they have is a thought or an idea. Right. Others have a rough outline. Others have a rough draft. Others have an almost finished book. So I have to first assess where they are on the journey.
[00:17:22] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:17:23] Speaker B: But always, always start from a point of, what is your. What is your intention here? Why are you writing this? Is it just a legacy you want to pass on to the world, to the family?
Is it something that you want to use to promote your business? Is it a stepping stone to the next level, you know, in your career path? And once we know what the desired outcome is, then it comes down to really focusing on defining and refining the audience who is going to read your book? Because not everybody is from that point. Excuse me. Everything is an outgrowth of that. Everything from the title to the COVID to the writing style, the language you use is all an outgrowth of who the audience is.
And then I give them a thought starter questionnaire, and that helps them, usually, to get to the point of being able to do an outline. And then from the outline, we put meat on the bones.
[00:18:21] Speaker A: When it comes to the meat on the bones, the author initially has an idea what they want the book to be about. And ultimately, when all is said and done, there ends up being a difference from the initial thought to the finished product.
When you're putting the meat on the bones, how do you manage expectations for that first time author?
[00:18:47] Speaker B: Yeah, that's a great question.
That's a great question. And it's really, again, very much an issue of personality, because I had one author recently that was so sure that he knew what he was doing, and yet what he gave me was nothing but a few pages of bullet points. I got to drag it all out of him.
It was his head.
[00:19:12] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:19:12] Speaker B: You got to get it out of your head.
[00:19:14] Speaker A: Right?
[00:19:14] Speaker B: But for those folks that have it in their head, we've actually succeeded in doing zoom call interviews with people, okay? Some of whom are maybe time challenged, some of whom are physically challenged by ADHD or dyslexia, doing a brain dump, so to speak, almost like a Vulcan mind meld. Like, we get the information, we audio record that, we run that through speech to text transcription software, and then I edit from the transcripts.
[00:19:41] Speaker A: Got it. Got it. Yeah, I am actually that's the approach I did to write my book. And you know, and actually it also helped me heal from within telling my story out loud. So there's another thing that does help that doing it that way. I love how you can think out of the box though. And ultimately the book can be written. There are many ways to go about it. Theres not just one way. And when it seems like theres a barrier, theres always a way to either go around or go through to get to that finished product. Just like your 94 year old client who got to see the sample of the book or got to hold it in his hand when he passed. So thank you for sharing your processes and your philosophy. Barry, thank you very much.
[00:20:25] Speaker B: You're welcome by all means.
[00:20:27] Speaker A: So I'd say by now the audience has grasped the essence of Barry Cohen. They're going to want to get in touch with you. So folks out there, the way to get in touch with Barry, two ways. Email and phone number. So the email is publicist 740 mail.com or you can call Barry at 9734-580-3534 if you are contemplating writing your story because people need to hear that story and you don't want other people to write your story for you and you need guidance towards that.
Talk to Gary, to Barry. Barry will talk with you and give you ideas of how you're going to put that story to the world.
Did I say that fairly? Barry, anything else you did?
[00:21:18] Speaker B: I'll give them guidance as to what their options are. There are different ways they can go with it and I'll let them know.
[00:21:23] Speaker A: Beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. So Barry, before I let you go, I've got two questions I'd like to ask you.
You have the opportunity to sit down with young Barry, young seven to ten year old Barry to give him advice about life.
What are you going to tell him?
[00:21:39] Speaker B: First thing I would tell him is to be bold.
I was a shy kid, you know, I didn't play sports. I got bullied. I was short. So I would say be bold.
[00:21:53] Speaker A: Be bold. I love it. I love it. Be bold. All right, different hat. Now you get a chance to sit down with Barry, the young entrepreneur, young businessman and you want to give him advice about business.
[00:22:04] Speaker B: You're going to tell him find mentors, set up an advisory board, get guidance.
[00:22:13] Speaker A: I love it. And it's the guidance from the right people. Right. The people who've been successful in what they've done. That's wonderful advice, Barry. Thank you so much. Well, Barry, I want to thank you for not only coming on, but for coming into my life. There was a reason why Jo Jo thought of putting us together. I want to thank you for doing what you're doing, because you're helping make dreams come true. Because there's a book in every single one of us, right?
And I say, don't bring that book to your grave. People need to hear your story. And so, folks, if you have a story and you keep saying it's on your bucket list, get it off the bucket list and call Barry. All right, let's get your story out to the world. No regrets in life. Barry, thanks again for coming on.
[00:23:03] Speaker B: Thank you, Drew. Pleasure.
[00:23:05] Speaker A: It's my pleasure, too. Hey, be well, everybody.
Thanks so much for listening. If you enjoyed the episode, please subscribe and give us a review to help others find it.
I'd like you to answer this question. Are you living the life you want to live, or are you living the life others want you to live? I'd like you to think about that for a second.
I strongly suggest you live the life you want to live. If you want to learn more about what I stand for and my services and how I'm able to help many men get out of their own way, please go to my website at www.prophetcompassion.com.
feel free to also email
[email protected] dot I'd love to have a conversation with you. Take care of yourself and choose to write your own story instead of letting others write it for.
