[00:00:06] Speaker A: Welcome to from caving in to crushing it, the podcast for those who find themselves immersed in adversity and choose to write their story instead of having others write it for them. I'm Drew Duraney, and I'm your host. Today's guest is Steve Spiro. Steve Spiro started his first company right out of college in advertising. Additionally, he holds a fourth degree black belt in karate and first degree in jiu jitsu, including having his own karate studio. Steve contributes much of his successes to a strong work ethic, a can do, never quit attitude, discipline, integrity, and fearlessness that he cultivated in the martial arts. Steve is a master connector with over 41,000 contacts. He does a LinkedIn live broadcast every week called the Master Connector show. He eventually pivoted from advertising into technology and now is a business automation consultant. Steve recently published a book, the Tao of a Master the Way an Introvert became the Master connector. Steve is big on self development and loves to inspire people to get out of their own comfort zone, too, through speaking engagements.
Enjoy the show. Steve Spiro, good to see you, my friend.
[00:01:29] Speaker B: What's happening? Good to see you.
[00:01:32] Speaker A: Thank you, sir. Always good to be in your space. The master connector, I love it. I love it.
[00:01:37] Speaker B: Coming at you live and direct.
[00:01:39] Speaker A: Live and direct. So I'm happy you're here, my friend. You know, we were talking before he hit the record button that there's three types of men out there.
The first one is a defining moment's right in front of him, and he doesn't notice it, and as if it never happened. And the other man sees it, ignores it, doesn't want to address it. And the third man is somebody like you, who I have on the show, who saw it, took it by the throat, and said, there's a better way to live. I'm going to face this adversity head on, and I'm going to be a stronger man for it. So I thank you for being that person and for giving us the time to dive into your world for a little bit.
[00:02:24] Speaker B: I appreciate it. And you're one of those men, too, obviously, so appreciate that.
[00:02:28] Speaker A: Thanks, sir. So, in life, we're told that life is linear, and it's no one's fault. They're trying to protect us. But inevitably, something gets in the way of this straight path and kind of derails things, and depending on how we respond to it, will dictate our next course of action. So I'd love for you to reach back as far as you need to find that defining moment, whether it was the tap on the shoulder or, like, what I needed, you know, a few two by fours upside the head to kind of wake me up and say, hey, steve, you know, there is a better way to live. And I'm gonna. I'm gonna take charge.
What do you think?
[00:03:04] Speaker B: You need one. Only one.
[00:03:06] Speaker A: If you have more than one that fit into a nice, you know, circuitous road of travel, that'd be cool. Whatever. Whatever floats your boat, my friend.
[00:03:16] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean. I mean, the first one, I think, was getting bullied as a kid and, you know, not, you know, being rejected and bullied. And I think what that did was put a chip on my shoulder. My parents were divorced, so, you know, money was. Was tight for us. So I think, you know, having that one, you know, the one area shaped me early on, and I always felt like I was never good enough, so was always striving for more. And, yeah, you know, had a chip and, you know, now, there was a downside to that we could talk later about, but that was. That was, I think, the big driving force. And then, you know, not getting a job out of college. I went to art school for high, you know, high school and college for advertising. Cause I knew I had some talent. My dad had a liquor store. He dissuaded me from that, so wound up going into that. Into that route, and then I couldn't get a job, so start a company. So, you know, that was a bit of a wake up call and hit in the face. Okay, what are you gonna do? Right. You know, you could either just lay down and, you know, give up on what you wanted to do, or you just persevere through. So I persevered through, and later on, realized that I actually was learning disabled, dyslexic. That I realized this way later in life. Wow. And, you know, I believe that a lot of my creative talent was the good side of that, because I had to learn how to creatively problem solve. And so. But anyway, so the advertising career for a lot of years, but parallel to that, because I was bullied and not because I was afraid of my life, I wound up going into the martial arts, right? So, got a couple black belts, fourth degree in karate and first degree in jiu jitsu. And.
And that was, you know, and there was lots of punches in the face, literally and figuratively in that, because I was the, you know, the runt of the litter at my karate studio, too. I started later in life. I was the least talented guy. Shorter, stocky, you know, not the typical good martial arts guy. A lot of people I started with, there are a lot younger. They got started younger, so. But I persevered and basically passed everybody. So I learned the work ethic and hard work and perseverance. It was a separator, so a lot of. A lot of really cool lessons. So, anyway, I don't know how much you want me to go on and.
[00:05:39] Speaker A: On, but that was all right, so let's. I'm going to unpack some of this. So we've got parents divorce, which is an early impact on you, chip on your shoulder, which I do want to hear the drawback and the positive by it. So let's. Let's start with the. The parents getting. Getting divorced.
How did that affect you? Aside from the financial issue, which I totally get, because I'm divorced and I get it, my kids are impacted. So tell me how that affected you otherwise.
[00:06:10] Speaker B: Well, I mean, I'm not like 20 something, right. So in my era, tail end of my era, it was not socially acceptable like it is today. And so I was a bit of. I was a little bit of an outcast. So there was that part. There was a feeling of loss of security, right? Knowing that dad was. Mom and dad were together as a couple. So it was that insecurity.
I couldn't say my dad wasn't around anymore because he was working all the time. He was never around mentally, emotionally, physically, ever, anyway. And on the flip side of it, the good thing was we had forced family fun, because every Sunday, we. My dad would pick us up and cause liquor stores back. And then in New York, couldn't be open on Sundays, so we had our family day with dad, which there was a lot of good memories from that. But. But anyway, so that, um, that wasn't a, you know, a downside. Although I will say this not because of the divorce, but my dad played ball with me. I was, you know, I played baseball early on as a kid, a little league and so forth.
[00:07:10] Speaker A: Right?
[00:07:11] Speaker B: He played catch with me one time. I didn't have the. The. The rite of passage father experience whatsoever. That was a big issue. And part of my low self esteem was a big factor to my, because I didn't have anybody, a male figure to validate me. Right. So anyway, so that relates, but doesn't relate to the divorce. But to answer your question, I, you know, there was a lot of psychological hurt from that, and I don't know. I don't believe it didn't. Didn't feel like, to me at the time that, you know, it was a version of rejection, but what happened was a result of that. My mom started to reinvent herself and go for a career because she got married when she was 19, had me at 20. She got out of her house with her mom, who was divorced, also her mom, and she wanted to just start a new life. So she figured get married early, young. So she was not a career woman back then. In the fifties, it was like, okay, you just get married. That's what women do. You don't have a career. So she. But now she's a single mom. She had to raise kids expenses. Money was tight, so she worked and went to school. So there was complete abandonment, if you will. My father wasn't around except for the forced fun Sunday thing. And then my mom was not really available anymore either. So that was a big blow. And I felt like, you know, I was isolated and rejected, if you will, and. But, you know, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Right. And it's what shaped who I am. Good and bad.
[00:08:46] Speaker A: Yeah, that's true. I remember that old term latchkey kid back in the eighties.
[00:08:49] Speaker B: Yeah, I was one of them.
[00:08:51] Speaker A: You come home and no one's there and. Yeah, and. All right, so you're carrying that with dad. Yeah. And it's so important for a young boy to have a strong male role model. And do you think that played a part into the. You mentioned the low confidence, but how about the bullying aspect of stuff?
[00:09:09] Speaker B: Oh, no. I found out later in life that my dad was also bullied. He didn't help me. He didn't show me how to fight. Didn't. None of that was even in the picture whatsoever.
[00:09:18] Speaker A: Yeah, that's interesting, because it might have been a good thing for you to know and have that discussion, because, you know, it's, in a way, we put our parents up on the pedestal. Right. That they're perfect and. Yeah, and it's interesting. So tell me, with the chip on your shoulder, you said, it's good and not good. So where's the not good of having the chip on your shoulder? I understand the good. Cause you're able to take care of yourself, and where's the not good?
[00:09:45] Speaker B: The not good was that. It really was. I had horrible people skills. Horrible.
[00:09:51] Speaker A: Okay. All right.
[00:09:52] Speaker B: Yeah. So, like, I just. And I isolated, and I just. All I wanted to do was work. In fact, I was so wounded and broken and had this chip going on that I wound up just basically getting busy. And I did, you know, always three or four things going on at the same time. You know, I. When I was younger, I went to school. I would work on my dad's liquor store. You know, I did some other stuff. It just, you know, then later on, you know, school, tennis, you know, I was always trying to keep busy, which I feel early, you know, in my own mind, it was like, I want to succeed. I want to achieve. Right? But I also. It was a way of me isolating from other people. Now, unbeknownst to me, I went to high school. I commuted in from the Bronx into New York City. So there was no traditional neighborhood type experience for high school, like most people experience, no community type experience. And I went to college for the same type of way where I went, commuted into the college, into the city for college. So it just reinforced isolation, you know, this sort of mentality of it's to be. It's up to me.
You know, you're a person. People in my life were just. They were in the. They were in the way of me succeeding, right. And so I was the guy that said, you know, if you had something that was a different thought than me, I'd be like, you're wrong. Like, not like, well, listen, I know how you feel. If I was in your shoes, I'd faint the same way. Let me tell you what I found. None of that. I was just like, you're absolutely, you know, you're wrong, like, with attitude. Right? So I was just edgy and punchy, and so that. That's where that came. So I kind of didn't care about people, right. Because they were just my. My short experience at that point, as in my early, you know, childhood and the beginning of the early adulthood, I. People were just there to hurt me and not. Not be there for me. That was my feeling. So understandable.
[00:11:48] Speaker A: Yeah. But, you know, it's amazing because you are completely the opposite person now from the individual you're describing. So how did you get to be the Steve Spiro, you are now the master connector? I mean, 40 years ago, would you have thought they'd be calling you the master connector?
[00:12:07] Speaker B: Who'd have thunk? Yeah, it's interesting. So, you know, early on in my thirties, through a good friend I worked with in the advertising industry, he introduced me to an extremely successful entrepreneur who took me under his wing and got me in a path of self development. Books and audios and networking. Now, I had started self development in the martial arts, doing that for years. Started training in 83, and that was a great experience, like I said. And I did start to do some reading and learning about the culture and all that, but it wasn't until I had this experience where I started to see the value of self development. And I read books like how to win friends and influence people and thinking grow rich and the magic of thinking big and the friendship factor. And there's all these books I could rattle off, and nowadays, like, the atomic habits and compound effect, and there's all sorts of really good books. But anyway, Robert Kiyosaki's book and all that stuff. But self development was big, so I started to grow.
And this mentor that I had in my life was, he is amazing. He still is in my life. But he was so amazing and so charismatic and funny, and I just looked at him and I'm like, I can't be that. And I always felt like I was a second class me. And I always felt inadequate. And, in fact, the way I lived my life for a very long time, I would look at people and I'd be like, man, that person. Wow. I'm just. I'm not gonna. I fall short, right?
So. So there was. There was a lot of growth that had to happen. And it wasn't until much, much later, not that long ago, quite frankly, that I was able to come to terms. And, you know, I realized, you know what? I'll be a second class somebody else, but a first class me. And I start to get peace within myself. And I started to learn that I felt better when I was others focused instead of so focused on me. Because when you're wounded and broken, you're only thinking about self preservation. You're thinking about protection. You're thinking about survival. Right? And so that's where I was. But now I started to become others focused, and I felt better. And as I made people enriched people's lives, and I heard positive things back, it reinforced a self image thing for me. In fact, you know, I heard my mentors tell me that he said. He said, you know, what self image is based on? It's a lot of things, but he said, it's not. It's not what you think. It's not what you think of me or what I think of me. It's what I think you think of me.
[00:14:47] Speaker A: Right. Okay.
[00:14:48] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. Which I thought was an interesting perspective.
[00:14:50] Speaker A: It is.
[00:14:51] Speaker B: And so, yeah, so I was. I was, you know, finally started to heal. I also started to see the value of being transparent and authentic and leading with my vulnerabilities and my weaknesses.
And I also saw barriers being broken down. I saw the connections became powerful. I found that my confidence became. I became incredibly confident and powerful. And you know, not in an egotistical way, but, you know, because when you're. When you're, you know, you have kids, right? I mean, you know, when you know that they're. They're hiding something, they're kind of meek, and they're kind of like, they're a little insecure, but when you're not worrying about hiding anything, you're confident, right? And so I'm like, I'm not hiding anything anymore. This, I am who I am. And, you know, you like it, you don't like it, but I am who I am, right. And become confident. So it's. It's that, that's what happened. Now, one of the things that my mentor did, which really challenged me, stretched me big time, is he told me to meet three strangers every day. He from the Bronx, New York, you know, whatever. I mean, I left the Bronx when I was 16, so. But I was Westchester county, still New York, living, working in the city a lot. I mean, yeah, you're going to get shot, kidnapped, or killed if you talk to strangers. That's the perception.
[00:16:06] Speaker A: Yep, that is the perception.
[00:16:07] Speaker B: But, um, I didn't. Those negative things didn't happen. And it started to, again, help me see, um, you know, feel better about me. And I found that the more I was others focused and the less I put my eyes on myself, the. The more confidence I started to have. And I felt better about me. And I saw a lot of that type of thing happen in the martial arts. When I did what others would not, were not willing to do, I felt way better about myself.
And so that was part of it. I'm like, no one is doing this. I'm doing this. Right. It's like, wow, you know, like, I'm a separator. I'm separating myself here. And so, yeah, so that amassed a big network, and I started to, I'll call it perfect.
The connections. When I would meet people, I started to. Perfect.
That's probably not the right word, perfect. But I started to craft and come up with what worked for me in terms of the communication style, in terms of messaging, the story, all that, and people, I started creating meaningful connections. And it was, and it was and is extremely.
I don't know, it's fulfilling and rewarding to me. And then ultimately, what finally happened was, and this was about the January just before COVID I finally, through hearing some, an audio message I heard, put together a personal mission statement, and I did that.
[00:17:44] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:17:44] Speaker B: And it was amazing.
[00:17:46] Speaker A: Can you share that? I'd love to.
[00:17:50] Speaker B: I'll give you the short version, fairly lengthy, but it's basically to uplift, inspire and encourage people and help bring people into a better place in life, basically. That's a short version of it.
[00:18:00] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:01] Speaker B: And it's wrapped around mentorship because mentorship has been such an important part of my life. Absolutely. And being able to kind of pay that forward and so forth and. Yeah. So that, that's kind of what happened. And I started to see that I have a purpose now. And I know a lot of people heard this on an audio this morning.
[00:18:22] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:23] Speaker B: That many people are focused on their passion, but instead they should be focused on their purpose.
[00:18:28] Speaker A: Purpose, yes.
[00:18:31] Speaker B: And that's what shifted, too, because now I have a purpose that a lot of people have goals. I'm going to climb Kilimanjaro or something like that. And that's great. But once you climb it and that's your ultimate goal, then you're, what else do you get to live for? Right. I mean, you could try to come up with something else, but, but this purpose that I have, I won't be able to accomplish, completely accomplish until I'm in the grave.
[00:18:53] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:53] Speaker B: Right. So it's something I'll strive for till I'm, you know, I'm hope to, you know, hope to live to 120. Right.
[00:18:58] Speaker A: So I love that, you know, and I love what you mentioned, though, about the, the purpose can lead to a passion. Your purpose can become a passion. It doesn't happen the other way around. And I love how you mentioned the word meaningful. Meaningful connections.
[00:19:13] Speaker B: Right.
[00:19:14] Speaker A: And also the point that when you live to serve others in kindness, which is what you do, it does come back to you in many different, many different ways. And as I tell people, we heal from within.
And so rather than you look to the outside to heal by you changing your behavior and uplifting other people, you started to heal yourself from within, and all of a sudden you had this self trust, self respect, self confidence. That's an amazing feeling. And I've gone through something similar to what you're mentioning, so I'm impressed and inspired by you. So now you have this new Steve, who took this on and created a stronger Steve. What have you done with it personally and professionally, to continue to give, give back?
[00:20:03] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, I've, I've very selectively allowed people to come into my life and I'll mentor them. Right. And I've been able to be blessed to pay it forward in some of the areas that I've been blessed financially, spiritually, physically, I've paid those, some of those things forward and passed it on to other people as well. So that's been one factor that's been extremely rewarding. And people that have known for over 20 years that are very. To speak of, you know, to say they're very grateful that I came into their life because I've been able to do that and pay it forward with them, you know, speaking. Right. It's a huge part of it. Right. I mean, that's what, that's why, you know, I call myself an inspirational speaker, not a motivational speaker, because I want to inspire people.
[00:20:54] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:20:55] Speaker B: And I inspire them through, you know, I want them to. The takeaway is, hey, listen, if this guy could do it, I could do it. Right. You know, a big part of my message is not only authenticity and being others focused and building community and growing connections, but it's having the grit to overcome obstacles. That's a big part of it. And had a lot of those, a lot of that, those obstacles and challenges, but having the grit, I tell people all the time, if you don't quit, you win. Right. And so just, just so that, so speaking is an opportunity to share that and hopefully inspire people obviously do that, you know, not only on a stage.
[00:21:31] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:21:32] Speaker B: But I do it through my broadcast. I have my LinkedIn live broadcast, the master connector show, 01:00 p.m. West Wednesdays, 01:00 p.m. Eastern little shameless plug there, but, yeah, I mean, that's happening in another area. I put out posts every single day. It's an uplifting message I'm putting out every day. The show, by the way, our mission of our show is to be the light uplift, inspire and encourage. So that's in line with that. The message. The posts are also in line with that, obviously, the speaking, like I said. And then lastly, I wrote a book recently. I know you did, but this book is the dao of a master connector. And it's, again, the purpose of it is to inspire people to make them better. And it's just the things I've learned along the way. The Tao of a master connector. Tao meaning the way. Right. Not the path. It's not about Taoism or anything.
[00:22:26] Speaker A: No, no, no.
[00:22:27] Speaker B: But, but the subtext being the way an introvert became a master connector. Right. So it's just, it's. It's meant to be somewhat of a not blueprint because everyone's blueprints could be a little differently, but. But it's just a way that you can, you know, an example. Right. And hopefully people will. And the feedback's been great on the book, by the way, but hopefully people will take it and it'll inspire them to maybe go and do something that's maybe outside of their comfort zone.
[00:22:56] Speaker A: I love it. Show the book cover again.
[00:22:59] Speaker B: Sure.
[00:22:59] Speaker A: And where can we find it?
[00:23:02] Speaker B: It's on Amazon. Amazon.
You can order through that through Barnes and noble online. And then also the audible is available as well.
[00:23:11] Speaker A: Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. So, all right, Steve, I could talk to you all day, ma'am. This is, this is. You uplifted me. So that that worked. It worked. So I want to give you a couple, couple questions.
[00:23:25] Speaker B: Sure.
[00:23:26] Speaker A: So you have the opportunity of sitting down with young Steve, the seven to ten year old version of young Steve, and you want to give him advice about life. What are you going to tell him?
[00:23:40] Speaker B: Yeah, I would say this, number one, focus not so much on the what and the how, but focus more on the who and the why. The why, meaning, where do you want to go? How do you want to live your life? There's so much focus and emphasis on younger, with younger people, on finding that what and the how. Right. The job, the career.
[00:24:05] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:06] Speaker B: Instead of, you know, how do you want to live? Like, what do you, how do you want your life to be? And, um. And then, of course, you can get deeper with that, with purpose. You know, what your why can also go deeper to purpose. Is there a purpose why you're here? Okay, so that would be one aspect. And the who part of it is also important to me is that is find a mentor. Find somebody who's in life where you want to be that will physically not just tell you how to succeed and how you want to accomplish. And by the way, who has the fruit on the tree? In other words, they're not just financially well off, but they have a great marriage, they've got peace of mind, they've got, you know, they're in good financial standards, they're good spiritual life, whatever. I mean, those things are important. So find someone and see if you can help, you know, somehow convince them to mentor you. So that'd be another thing I would, I would tell them, uh, but how to do that, I would say, you know, start networking. Right. I mean, obviously that was something I didn't know to do until way later in life.
[00:25:06] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:25:06] Speaker B: But start networking. The power of networking is so, so important. So mentorship, the power of the why, you know, and, and have, you know, the ability, the power of networking or connecting is so, so important. So those are some things I would, I would want to tell my, my younger self, I love you today. And the last thing I probably would say is, listen, you could do it. And just, I would encourage my younger self because there was so much insecurity and lack of belief in myself. So I probably do a really good job of uplifting and encouraging my younger self.
[00:25:48] Speaker A: Absolutely. All right, so different hat. Now you're sitting down with young Steve, the young entrepreneur, young businessman, and you want to give him advice about business. What would you tell him?
[00:25:59] Speaker B: It's not that dissimilar, quite frankly. Be honest. And, you know, it's similar, but, you know, my four pillars is something that I've sort of built my more recent lifestyle on, and in the last three, four years have been the best financial years of my life. And I believe it's because of these sort of four pillars. And that is, you know, build community, grow connections. Like I said before, you know, continue to grow, whether that's, you know, through networking, connecting, however you're doing it. But build that community because your tribe is your vibe. Right. And you want to build the right kind of community. Right?
[00:26:39] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:26:39] Speaker B: And the second is being authentic. Right. It's, it's, you know, if you're, everyone sells, but we're so often, you know, very pitch oriented and typically. Right, yes, ditch the pitch. Right. Stop the pitch slapping. Right. Right. P I T c h. Right. Right. Stop that. And let's get into it. Let's get into being authentic. And in along with that, let's be others focused and be that kind of go giver. And, you know, when you find what people want, you can help them move heaven on earth. They want to move heaven on earth to get it right. So whatever. And that's straight out of Dale Carnegie, how to win friends and influence people. But so just, yeah, be others focused, be a go giver, and then just make sure you have the grit because you're going to hit obstacles and challenges. But know, again, if you don't quit, you win. And I would say that, and, um, and, and then last thing, you know, again, focus on how you want to live instead of that. The what and the how. Right. Because a lot of times there's so much focus on that, so a little redundant. It probably, I would probably want to say the same.
[00:27:46] Speaker A: I would, you know what, I understand that it's, it's, it's a challenge to separate the two in life and business because it is really one and the same.
The audience certainly captured the essence of Steve Spiro, and they're going to want to get more of you. So gang anybody out there listening, check out Steve's website, stevespiro.com dot. You're going to find everything there. And I do suggest you get in touch with him and get to know him. If you want to be inspired and uplifted, that is. And he's well worth getting to know and having into your life. And I want to thank you, Steve. And I also want to thank the master networks community for that's how we met.
And I'm grateful that you're in my life, my friend, my newfound brother. And let's continue our conversation and our collaboration because we are two of the many men out there who want to help change the world for the better. So we're going to bond together.
[00:28:42] Speaker B: No doubt, true success is how many people are better off because we were here and we're in line with that for sure.
[00:28:49] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:28:50] Speaker B: I appreciate you.
[00:28:51] Speaker A: I appreciate you too, my friend. Hey, thanks so much everybody, and be well.
Thanks so much for listening. If you enjoyed the episode, please subscribe and give us a review to help others find it.
I'd like you to answer this question. Are you living the life you want to live or are you living the life others want you to live? I'd like you to think about that for a second because I strongly suggest you live the life you want to live. If you want to learn more about what I stand for and my services and how I'm able to help many men get out of their own way, please go to my website at www.prophetcompassion.com.
Feel free to also email
[email protected] I'd love to have a conversation with you. Take care of yourself and choose to write your own story instead of letting others write it for.
