[00:00:06] Speaker A: Welcome to from caving in to crushing it. The podcast for those who find themselves immersed in adversity and choose to write their story instead of having others write it for them. I'm Drew Duraney, and I'm your host. Today's guest is Monica Bozanov.
People are surprised to learn that Monica has a background in construction.
She doesn't seem to fit into their idea of a typical construction project manager. Monica finds construction and high performance to have a lot in common. Here's what everyone in construction knows. The taller you want to build, the deeper you need to go. High performance is the same. Subconscious programming is running 95% of your decision making. Monica's clients are high performers who are tired of pushing through. They crave high performance on easy mode, and that's what Monica delivers. Enjoy the show.
Hello, Monica. So good to see you.
[00:01:08] Speaker B: So good to see you again, Drew. I always love our conversations.
[00:01:12] Speaker A: As do I. As do I. So I always like to thank the people who introduce us. And I was looking back at. I actually have a spreadsheet that lists everybody I've met since 2000. I think it was 2020, right before the pandemic. And the person we have to thank for this is. Well, we met during networking hub. Networking hub assembly, which is an event that's put on by Frank Egan. So that's how you and I actually bumped into each other. Does that ring a bell?
[00:01:44] Speaker B: I don't know who he is.
[00:01:46] Speaker A: You don't know who Frank is? So maybe it wasn't networking hub assembly. No. You know what? I know we met and it was at a networking event. I don't know if it was that one. Must not have been that one if you don't know Frank. So if, you know, maybe it was Mari Lee or something marketing out and she's out in Estonia. We're gonna have to find out how we met. Monica, do you not remember how we met?
[00:02:08] Speaker B: I think we had this conversation once.
We have to look at the. I know it was a network event.
[00:02:16] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:02:17] Speaker B: And I know I reached out.
We were in the same zoom room. I don't know which one it was at the moment.
[00:02:23] Speaker A: I love it. It is funny because we meet so many people, and, yeah, I'm looking at our LinkedIn profile, and we do have a lot of connections in common, and we'll find that out. The beautiful thing is that we met, and regardless of how we did, so there's always a silver lining and something that happens, like the pandemic, which forced us all to start globally networking virtually. And ultimately, we met a lot of good human beings. And that's really, in essence how you and I got a chance to meet. So I love it. And you know, what's cool about the podcast is I don't edit this kind of stuff out, these conversations. This is like, as I talk, authenticity. So this is as authentic as it gets because I only, we only slapped the intro and the outro on, and that's what we get, you know?
[00:03:12] Speaker B: And if that's the case, you will have to introduce me to Frank now.
[00:03:16] Speaker A: I will. I absolutely will. Absolutely you will. You will get introduced to Frank Aiken? Absolutely. He's a great Mandeh so, Monica, I got a chance to get to know you a couple times.
You are an amazing human being. And what you do with your deep dive and the audience will get to learn what you do is tremendous. And it certainly helped me in life. Monica, we grow up and we're told that life is a straight line. It's linear. If we do certain things, everything's going to be fine. And ultimately, external circumstances happen in life that kind of get in the way of that straight line and kind of push us and direct us and detour us in many different ways. And often we're not prepared and we have to make choices and decisions. And I believe there's three types of women in life. You have the woman who has a defining moment, something in front of her, but she's got so many blind spots. She is not really paying attention. Her level of self awareness is so low that she just goes through life almost subconsciously on Autopilot. Then you have woman number two, who has a higher level of self awareness and does notice when things happen and yet sees more things, more as a barrier than an opportunity to improve life and feels like the victim that life is doing it to her. Ultimately, it's woman number three. I love to have on this show.
She is the woman who has obviously some challenges in life and looks at them and says, you know what? It's not a barrier. This is an opportunity. Life is doing something for me, and I'm going to take this opportunity to become stronger and start living a different life by doing things differently. So for the audience, could you reach back as far as you need to and isolate that defining moment where for you, with either a tap on the shoulder or the two by four upside the head that really molded you into you, you were woman number three at that point. You're like, you know what? Enough's enough. I'm taking this on, and it's going to be a better life for Monica.
[00:05:21] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, you know, by the time the two x four comes, you've been ignoring the whisper, and you've been ignoring the tap on the shoulder for a really long time. Right.
We get really good at doing that. But I had the privilege of being hit by the two x four at the age of 30, okay?
Which means I just got a head start, because most people can candore. Like, they can brush that tap on the shoulder off until they're maybe 45, 50, right?
So I had the privilege of starting that journey earlier, and that was because my nervous system was so in overload.
[00:06:05] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:06:08] Speaker B: And I was sure that I was going crazy. It was like, yeah, okay, my. My granddad was crazy. Now it's happening to me. Right?
And then I came to the doctors finally, and it was such a relief when he told me, no, you're not going crazy. You're just depressed and burnt out.
[00:06:29] Speaker A: Oh, wow. Okay.
[00:06:31] Speaker B: And on the inside, of course, that didn't show on the outside, but on the inside, I was going, yay. I think because I can do something with that.
I did not know the how to, so that was what I had to figure out. But I'm big on personal responsibility, and somewhere inside of me, there was this. Okay, this did not happen to you. Right? It's so easy to say, oh, yeah, people do that. The universe. Life happened to me.
[00:07:05] Speaker A: Right?
[00:07:06] Speaker B: We're never prepared for life.
But I realized I had allowed this to happen to me, so if I had allowed it, I could also change that.
So that was the journey I had to start. And I had, like, a long list of mental, emotional, and physical problems proving that I was broken, which now, in hindsight, I know, right? The people that have proof that they're broken are actually really powerful people.
[00:07:42] Speaker A: Yes, they are.
[00:07:45] Speaker B: So I started this reading. Remember that? The Daniel Goldman books back in the day about emotional intelligence?
[00:07:55] Speaker A: Yes, yes, yes, yes.
[00:07:57] Speaker B: Okay. There's something about emotions, right? And then I read this book about natural healing, and I found this thing about heart coherence from Heartmath Institute.
[00:08:09] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:08:10] Speaker B: And once again, feelings.
So that was kind of the path I went on. And when I found, like, the tools and all of that to fix the obvious health issues, I was so, like, wow, I did it right. My allergies, my gastritis, my rashes, my anxiety, unbelievable panic attacks, all of that is gone.
Now I'm going to start the coaching business.
[00:08:43] Speaker A: I love it.
[00:08:44] Speaker B: And when I tell people what I can do, they're going to throw money at me.
And, of course, that did not happen.
[00:08:53] Speaker A: That happens to a lot of us. We're like, all right, I'm ready. Here it comes.
And what did you do when that didn't happen, Monica?
[00:09:02] Speaker B: Well, of course I hired a business coach. Right. Because that's what we do.
[00:09:06] Speaker A: That's what we do.
[00:09:07] Speaker B: And she threw all of this stuff at me with tactics and strategies and workbooks, and. And she made. She helped me make a plan. And the thought was I was going to work with people that were stressed out, and I was going to contact, like, corporations in the city I lived.
[00:09:27] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:09:29] Speaker B: And I was going to cold call.
That was a strategy.
[00:09:33] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:09:34] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:09:35] Speaker A: I've learned that strategy.
[00:09:37] Speaker B: So, of course, I procrastinated. And I procrastinated for weeks.
[00:09:41] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:09:42] Speaker B: Really good with words. So I could actually talk, like, around these. Like, why didn't you cold call, do any cold calling? Right. Well, you see, I thought I would do some more research on these companies.
Right.
[00:09:55] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:09:55] Speaker B: And then the weeks just passed, and finally she said, monica, the cold calling.
Right. And she wouldn't let go.
And during that session, I went into a full blown panic attack.
[00:10:14] Speaker A: I see that coming. I could. That would happen to me, too. Yep. Okay.
[00:10:18] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:10:18] Speaker A: Understood.
[00:10:20] Speaker B: And that. That was so long ago. We didn't. We were on Skype.
[00:10:26] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:10:27] Speaker B: I was off. So she can't see me. Right. But I was. I was sweating. I was cold sweating. I was shaking my voice, like, squeaky, and, like, I couldn't speak, you know?
[00:10:40] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:41] Speaker B: And she said, what's going on?
And I was like, I can't do it. Why not? And I had no clue. And she was pushing me, pushing me, pushing me. And I was.
At the end, she said, where is that feeling? And I felt that. I was sitting on this horror feeling, right. She said, what is this feeling? And I was surprised when I said, I'm dying.
[00:11:10] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:11:14] Speaker B: And I felt like a big, fat l on my forehead. I felt the biggest wimp in the world.
No one has ever died from cold calling.
[00:11:26] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:11:27] Speaker B: Right. But I also realized that there was an event, and this goes so beautifully back to, you know, what your podcast is about, that it all starts really, really early. Right?
[00:11:39] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:11:40] Speaker B: So this was a trauma. That was a life and death trauma at the age of two.
[00:11:44] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:11:45] Speaker B: And because the nervous system doesn't really understand time.
[00:11:49] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:11:51] Speaker B: Cold calling for my nervous system was like, oh, we've done this before. We did speak out about something that was really important, and that went really bad.
[00:12:05] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:12:06] Speaker B: Don't want to do that again. So that was my nervous system protecting me from pain. Right. Before anyone hurt you like they did last time.
[00:12:14] Speaker A: Right. Right.
[00:12:15] Speaker B: We are going to stop you in your tracks because this is not safe.
Right.
[00:12:20] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:12:21] Speaker B: It had nothing to do with cold calling. Of course not.
And that's the beautiful thing about what you're saying. The whole idea that life is linear.
[00:12:31] Speaker A: Hmm.
[00:12:32] Speaker B: Yeah. Life as events. The cron. There's a chronological chronology.
[00:12:42] Speaker A: Chronological, yeah.
[00:12:43] Speaker B: Yes. Like this thing happened. This thing happened. But the nervous system doesn't get that.
[00:12:49] Speaker A: No, it doesn't.
[00:12:51] Speaker B: Right, so when the nervous system sends something coming up that reminds it of something that happened once.
[00:12:59] Speaker A: Right, exactly.
[00:13:00] Speaker B: It will just kick in and there will be this major stress reaction. And that's what procrastination and self sabotage is usually about. It's not about what's going to happen, it's about something that already happened in the past.
So that's why I love working with the nervous system, because then we don't have to use linear thinking.
[00:13:26] Speaker A: Right. Absolutely.
[00:13:28] Speaker B: At all. Right. Because once you take the pain out of that event, you still have the hard wiring that it caused in your nervous system at such an early age.
[00:13:40] Speaker A: Right, right.
[00:13:41] Speaker B: So now on the other side of the pain, now you have a gift and there's a calling and you can move forward because you have this massive release of energy, all of that energy that you've been pushing down, released, and you could use it for forward momentum. And once again, nervous system doesn't care about time, so now you can make that quantum leap. Right.
[00:14:10] Speaker A: So I have a question for you. How did you know, going back to two years old, that that's where that trauma was? Because at two years old, what are we able to, to notice?
[00:14:21] Speaker B: Yeah. So, um, that was pushed down. I had no memory of that. I knew because of something my mom told me.
I spent a week with my grandparents at the age of two and at some point, I think I was around twelve, and I was really angry with some, something my, my grandmother had done to my cousin.
[00:14:46] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:14:48] Speaker B: I cannot believe that she did that. I felt so sorry. I was so outraged on my cousin's behalf.
[00:14:55] Speaker A: Right, right.
[00:14:56] Speaker B: And then my mom mentioned something that.
Yes, like, I'm sorry, but your grandmother, sometimes she's not the nicest person.
[00:15:08] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:15:11] Speaker B: And she mentioned that there had been an incident at the age of two.
[00:15:16] Speaker A: Right, okay.
[00:15:17] Speaker B: And they didn't. My parents didn't know what it was, but when she said that, I was like, I was twelve and I remember going, oh, that's that big lump in my stomach.
[00:15:27] Speaker A: Okay. Yes.
[00:15:29] Speaker B: I knew there was something, but I didn't know what it was.
[00:15:31] Speaker A: What it was. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
[00:15:34] Speaker B: But then, like that, my coach then pushing me so hard.
[00:15:40] Speaker A: Hmm.
[00:15:41] Speaker B: Over the next week, I had flashbacks. So kind of a PTSD.
[00:15:48] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. Yep.
[00:15:49] Speaker B: Now, I had words coming back, I had physical memories coming back.
[00:15:54] Speaker A: I had.
[00:15:55] Speaker B: So they came back in flashes.
[00:15:56] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:15:57] Speaker B: And by this time, right, I already had some knowledge of the nervous system, and I had my tool to comment, which is tapping.
[00:16:06] Speaker A: Oh, that's right. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
[00:16:09] Speaker B: So I. It was like this weird experience where I, as an EFT practitioner, I could tap myself through the event, watching myself from the outside.
[00:16:20] Speaker A: Right, right.
[00:16:20] Speaker B: And I was also in the event all of the, you know, the death anxiety and all of that.
[00:16:27] Speaker A: Right, right.
So that's what did. Okay, so, so then getting back to defending your I. Cousin, once you realized that you had experienced something similar, because it's interesting, if you hadn't experienced something similar to that, you wouldn't have had that kind of reaction to defend your cousin. Right. It doesn't just happen because you were feeling. You don't know what your cousin was feeling. You were feeling what you felt at two and kind of transferring it onto how she must be feeling, because that's, you know, it happens to a lot of us, too, and we're not able to trace it back or we don't get a chance to, so. All right, so, so let's. So, so from that, um, what. What did you end up doing to. At twelve to move forward? Like, thinking, what is. What's going on? What. What does this mean, this nervous system thing?
[00:17:25] Speaker B: No, I was just pushing. Yeah, I'm a wimp, right? I'm the biggest coward. Just push through.
[00:17:30] Speaker A: Push through it. All right. Okay.
[00:17:31] Speaker B: So I had been pushing through since I was two.
[00:17:34] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
[00:17:35] Speaker B: And then I had a similar, like, one year later, I had a similar event kind of happening again at the age of three. So now it was really, like, in my nervous system.
[00:17:45] Speaker A: Now it's in there. Yeah, yeah.
[00:17:47] Speaker B: So I was just pushing through, which was why I had, you know, the big meltdown at 30.
[00:17:53] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:17:54] Speaker B: I had been pushing through for almost three decades.
[00:17:57] Speaker A: Okay. Jeez.
[00:17:58] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:17:58] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:18:00] Speaker B: So. So that I. The.
That's why I say I have the privilege. Right. Of really having that breakdown.
[00:18:10] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:11] Speaker B: Forcing me to make different choices.
[00:18:13] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:18:14] Speaker B: And then starting my business.
That's another moment where I had to change.
[00:18:22] Speaker A: Right.
[00:18:23] Speaker B: If I hadn't decided to start the coaching business, right. This particular event would probably never have surfaced.
[00:18:30] Speaker A: True.
Very true.
[00:18:33] Speaker B: And I would still be living it.
[00:18:35] Speaker A: Yeah. You would be. Yeah. You had to confront it. Yeah. So to begin the coaching business, how did you actually start? Do you recall getting your first client to be able to help them like you helped yourself?
[00:18:48] Speaker B: You.
[00:18:48] Speaker A: Do you remember that? Okay.
[00:18:50] Speaker B: Yeah. And I also remember I had my. I got my first few coaching clients before that whole cold calling story.
[00:19:00] Speaker A: No, it was before the cold calling story. Okay, interesting.
[00:19:06] Speaker B: But that incident really expanded my capacity to hold space for clients. Right.
[00:19:14] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:15] Speaker B: Because there's this myth in the coaching industry that you can't take anyone further than you've ever been.
[00:19:20] Speaker A: Hmm.
[00:19:21] Speaker B: Okay, that's not really true, but it's really hard to take anyone deeper than you have ever been, right.
[00:19:28] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:19:30] Speaker B: So now, when people. Because here's the thing. Powerful people were a handful when they were children because they were powerful even back then.
[00:19:41] Speaker A: Yes, yes.
[00:19:43] Speaker B: So people that are powerful tend to have also their share of trauma in their formative years.
[00:19:52] Speaker A: Right, right.
[00:19:55] Speaker B: And as I said in the beginning, if you can release that, then you don't have to, you know, life is not supposed to be 75 hard.
[00:20:06] Speaker A: It's not.
Oh, geez. All right, well, it's good to know now. All right, so tell me why you say that.
[00:20:15] Speaker B: Because when we deal, instead of when you push down the trauma and push down the trauma and you use willpower. Willpower is limited.
[00:20:25] Speaker A: Right.
[00:20:26] Speaker B: You will get exhausted.
[00:20:28] Speaker A: Right. Yeah.
[00:20:29] Speaker B: If you can take a look at the. The thing that you judge yourself for the most. For me, it was being a coward.
[00:20:37] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:20:38] Speaker B: Right.
At the age of two, it's very easy for someone that's all grown up to physically win any argument.
[00:20:52] Speaker A: True.
[00:20:53] Speaker B: And that's what happened. Okay, but my, like, kids don't understand size.
[00:21:01] Speaker A: No, no.
[00:21:02] Speaker B: So I lost. So I. Freakin right.
[00:21:06] Speaker A: Yeah, I see. Okay.
[00:21:08] Speaker B: That's a part of my power. I know my power. So I judged myself with the child, like the child, the not aware child. There was a lot of judgment from that child. Right.
[00:21:23] Speaker A: Absolutely. Yeah. Right, right.
[00:21:25] Speaker B: But that's what's going on in my nervous system. So someone who has a big a purpose around, courageous.
[00:21:33] Speaker A: Right.
[00:21:34] Speaker B: If they're traumatized, they will judge themselves as cowards, have a big, big, big calling for freedom.
[00:21:44] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:21:45] Speaker B: Being stuck is terrifying.
[00:21:48] Speaker A: It is. It is. Right. Absolutely.
[00:21:52] Speaker B: Or being that four year old that realizes, whoa, I'm the only one that's a grown up in my household.
[00:22:00] Speaker A: Mm hmm. Yeah.
[00:22:02] Speaker B: That person will push themselves and organize the world. Right.
And there's never enough.
There's always more to do.
[00:22:13] Speaker A: Right. Right.
[00:22:14] Speaker B: They will judge themselves. So that's what I'm looking for when I'm coaching people. I'm like, okay, what's the. What's the judgment?
[00:22:22] Speaker A: Right.
[00:22:22] Speaker B: Harsh word you're telling yourself, because on the other side of that, you have your superpower, and when you have your superpower, life is not linear anymore.
[00:22:33] Speaker A: Right? Absolutely. Yeah. Right. So what would you say your superpower is?
[00:22:39] Speaker B: My voice.
[00:22:40] Speaker A: Your voice.
[00:22:43] Speaker B: And I have big dumbo ears.
So I listen to what's being said, but I also am listening for what's not spoken.
[00:22:57] Speaker A: Right. All right. Okay.
[00:23:01] Speaker B: And magic happens, right?
[00:23:03] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:23:04] Speaker B: You know this as a coach.
[00:23:06] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. Love this. Absolutely love this. So, can you let us know, like, the best feeling you had with a client when you saw that magic happen? Just walk through that really quickly if you can. I see a big smile on your face. So obviously it's happened.
That feeling that you could get somebody to a point where the magic happens.
[00:23:36] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, you know this, right? When they have that shift and their voice changes, their face changes, their body, their posture changes, and to go from, like, just this week. Right. I have this client. He's built a business from nothing, a $5 million business.
[00:24:00] Speaker A: Right.
[00:24:01] Speaker B: And he's done it doing hard work.
[00:24:04] Speaker A: Right, right.
[00:24:05] Speaker B: Because that's the conditioning he grew up with, of course. And then coming to the point where, whoa, maybe it could be easy.
[00:24:15] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness.
[00:24:17] Speaker B: Fun, right?
[00:24:18] Speaker A: Yep. Yeah.
[00:24:19] Speaker B: And see that shift.
[00:24:20] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:21] Speaker B: And seeing that old programming not having power over that person anymore.
And I just. I just watched some videos today of, you know, some reactions from. From people, and one woman said, you know, she was facing this challenge, and she was. There were, like, tears and crying, and then all of a sudden she says, oh, but now I get it. And she. She explained something, like, totally the opposite of the viewpoint she had before, and she said that that's logic. I like logic. Right. And that's what happens when. When that stress of the nervous system.
[00:25:04] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:25:05] Speaker B: Don't pull power over you. You get access to your brilliant brain again. Right?
[00:25:09] Speaker A: Yes, yes. Absolutely. Because that's true.
[00:25:12] Speaker B: Yeah. I tell my clients, I couldn't care less about your mindset.
Let's look at what the nervous system is doing, because when we can calm the nervous system, access to our brain, and we don't have to push through. Right?
[00:25:27] Speaker A: Yep. Absolutely love that. Absolutely love that. So. All right. I know that the audience has certainly captured the essence of Monica Bozanoff. I know I have. Folks, you're going to want to get in touch with Monica LinkedIn. Is probably the best way.
And Monica is all about trust. So when you get in touch with her, you'll be able to have a 15 minutes conversation. And it really is to establish trust and you go from there. So I definitely encourage you to reach out to her via LinkedIn. It'll be in the show notes how to get in touch with her.
And I just definitely, strongly suggest you do so. So, Monica, I could talk to you for hours, but we're coming to that point where I get to ask you a couple awesome questions. All right, so I'm going to give you an opportunity to use your imagination. And you're sitting down with young seven to ten year old Monica and you want to give her advice about life. What are you going to tell her?
[00:26:28] Speaker B: I know you don't believe it, but you are really strong and brave.
[00:26:34] Speaker A: I love that. I love that.
Okay, so different hat. Sitting down with young Monica, the young entrepreneur businesswoman. And you want to give her advice about business.
What are you going to tell her?
[00:26:51] Speaker B: Find those people that are fun to play with.
[00:26:57] Speaker A: You mean we can still have fun and play with people while we're adults? Yeah, we can see that is something that's crucial for all of us because we lose that inner child. He still, or she still is inside of us, and we've been conditioned to tell her no. Or him no. So thank you for that advice. Audience, take her up on that advice. Monica, thank you for coming on. Thank you for coming into my life and thank you for being who you are. You're a wonderful human being and you're helping a lot of people. Please keep doing what you're doing.
[00:27:34] Speaker B: I will.
[00:27:35] Speaker A: All right. Thank you so much. Hey, take care of yourself, everybody.
Thanks so much for listening. If you enjoyed the episode, please subscribe and give us a review to help others find it.
I'd like you to answer this question. Are you living the life you want to live, or are you living the life others want you to live? I'd like you to think about that for a second because I strongly suggest you live the life you want to live. If you want to learn more about what I stand for and my services and how I'm able to help many men get out of their own way, please go to my website at www.prophetcompassion.com.
feel free to also email
[email protected] dot I'd love to have a conversation with you. Take care of yourself and choose to write your own story instead of letting others write it for.
