[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign, the podcast for those who find themselves immersed in adversity and choose to write their story instead of having others write it for them. I'm Drew Duraney. And I'm your host, Amberly. It's so great to see you.
[00:00:24] Speaker B: Oh, I am so happy to see you. It's so good to always get to. Good. Good to get to talk with you. So thank you for having me, and.
[00:00:32] Speaker A: You're welcome. And you're just fresh back from Miami for a big. A big show that you. You were on stage for. So how'd that go?
[00:00:42] Speaker B: It was incredible. I have to say, though, like, so I was one of the few female speakers. There's one other female speaker, and it was all about cash flow and finances. And I was just thinking, I never in a million years would have ever dream about 12 years ago when I was in $2.9 million worth of medical expenses and out of work, that I would actually be standing on stage speaking to entrepreneurs about how to have financial freedom. So it was amazing.
[00:01:16] Speaker A: That's unbelievable. And that's a perfect segue, because I just read one of your posts that you put up about 12 years ago, how people were telling you you can't do something after something happened to you. I would. I want to hear that story again. You've told me it once before, but it never gets old how you got through that. Can you share with us what it must have been like even before the accident, what your mindset was before the accident and then when it happened and then where you are now? I'd love to hear about that. Nonlinear journey.
[00:01:52] Speaker B: Yeah. Thank you so much. Well, you know, I think mindset, everything starts with mindset. And I think that being an athlete my whole life and having great mentors and coaches really helped me develop a mindset to have a lot of grit.
And so my life was really good. I lived in California, and I had a booming business. I was in the fitness industry, and I employed several other trainers. And I loved what I did. And that all changed in the blink of an eye when I was coming home from work and I was was on my Harley cruising down Ventura Boulevard, and this SUV shot out of a parking lot and T boned me. And I was thrown 30ft. And by the time I finished sliding across the asphalt, I looked down at my leg and it was just crumbled into pieces. And I didn't know at the time, and thank goodness I didn't know because I probably would have been even more freaked out, but my femoral artery was actually severed. And thankfully, there was a guy who ran over right away and made a tourniquet around my leg. And paramedics happened to be right down the street at the Coffee Bean, and they started running towards me before they even got the call. So I feel like everything lined up perfectly to really save my life. And I was rushed to the hospital and put an induced coma. And when I woke up out of a coma and is when I learned I had a 1% chance of saving my leg from amputation. And in that moment, talk about mindset. Like, I have so, you know, worked so hard to train my mind to focus on the good and what I do have and what I can do. And so in that moment, When I heard 1% chance, all I focused on was that 1%. And I was like, okay, so you're saying there's a chance? Well, we need to find a doctor that's willing to take that chance with me. And it took, oh, my goodness, 34 surgeries. It the first time I was in the hospital for three and a half months. I was in and out of the hospital for years. And lots of hours and hours of excruciating physical therapy. In fact, the physical therapist gave me a key to their office. I still have the key to their office because I lived there. I was there every day. They were open. And then I was there on my own doing physical therapy the days they weren't open. And they saved my leg. But then I was diagnosed with disorder or disease. Some people say it's called complex regional pain syndrome, and it's actually dubbed the suicide disease because there's no known cure. And it's ranked highest on the pain scale. And it feels a bit like so I have it in my leg, and it feels a bit like there is a bear trap on my foot. And so when I was diagnosed, you know, I was so excited to be upright on crutches because they said, oh, it's going to take you two years to walk again. And I was like, oh, really? Like, I work hard. I'm gonna just get up every day and do my best. And I was so happy to be upright on crutches. And when I went into that doctor's office and he examined me, he's like, you have got something very serious, and you need to get back in your wheelchair. Your life is never going to be the same. You're going to be permanently disabled. You'll never walk again, you'll never work again. And I just felt like I had been kicked in the gut. And so I went back Home.
And I remember thinking to myself, how am I going to get through this? What am I going to do? And all the pain really took me down a very dark path.
But this path I've been able to learn, you know, ways to get through adversity and tips on how to shift my mindset. And that's what I'm so excited to share with your listeners, because I know that, you know, a lot of people have hopefully never been hit by a car, and I hope that your listeners never find themselves in a coma. But I feel like we've all been hit by something, especially in the last couple years. And so whether it's your finances, your health, your business.
And I'm just here to say that there are ways to get through those challenging times. And, you know, we don't. Things definitely don't always go as planned, but I do feel like we are all, we all have a destiny, and it's up to us to really own our story and tap into our resilience so we can thrive.
[00:06:35] Speaker A: Absolutely. You know, I'm thinking about what you mentioned about the mindset when they gave you the 1% chance of saving your leg. Many people would be, well, hey, I'm alive. I mean, think about the odds of other things that could have happened to you in addition to the leg. I mean, so you still had the intestinal fortitude to say, yes, I'm alive. That's great. I'm still going to be walking. I'm taking that 1%.
And I admire you for that because many people potentially would have said, hey, at least I'm alive, and believe the doctor or believe the people who said, you don't have a chance.
[00:07:15] Speaker B: Yeah. Or, well, you're never going to walk again.
[00:07:18] Speaker A: And I wasn't believing that. You know, and you know what?
[00:07:21] Speaker B: Look, there's nothing wrong with being in a wheelchair. My little brother has been in a wheelchair his entire life. I just, that's not the vision that I had for myself. And I think that it's so important for us to really create the vision or, you know, what we want our life to look like and then to every day get up and do whatever we have to do or we can do to make that vision a reality.
[00:07:48] Speaker A: Right. Well, I mean, you are proof that you can write. We, everybody can write his or her own story rather than letting others write it for them. And, and so, so tell me you're now writing your story about walking. Tell me about that progression. You're, you're out of the wheelchair. You're in the Crutches. This disease that you had, was it because of the accident or did you already have it brewing before the accident or it's because of the accident?
[00:08:19] Speaker B: No, it's caused by trauma. So some people have, you know, broken their arm and then they develop CRPs in their arm. Some people have CRPs, full body CRPs. So they're in pain. Their entire body is in their. They're in pain. For me, mine is in my right leg. Although if it starts to get really flared up and really bad, like, you know, I just. You were saying. I just flew back from Miami and lately I've been traveling once a week for speaking events. And by the time I got on that plane and headed home, it was, you know, late at night. I got home at 2:30 in the morning. The crps was so flared up that I was feeling it in both of my legs. And that that pain can be all consuming. I mean, it can start to affect the way you think or not think, like you can't even think straight. But that pain. You know, I love your show and I can see why so many people listen to your show because there are a lot of people that are going through struggles like me, you know, and I felt so alone. So I like that you have an island. And because I felt like I was kind of alone on this island when I was in all this pain. And, you know, my emotional. The physical pain led to emotional pain, which then led me to addiction, which left me feeling more shame, feeling more isolated. And so you talk about these defying, you know, defying and defining moments.
That was probably the scariest thing I've ever been through, was not the motorcycle accident, was the fact that I had always been in the fitness industry and a professional dancer and not a party and partier. And then all of a sudden, after trying all these treatments that didn't work, I mean, invasive treatments. At one point I was on 73 homeopathic pills and then 11 prescription medication and nothing was working. And I discovered, right, alcohol to numb out my pain. And I think that so many of us, when we're in pain, any kind of pain, whether it's emotional or physical or financial, that we try to numb out or escape from it or run from it. And what I've learned is pain demands to be heard. You know, I used to have. I used to kid around and like take a lot of pride in that. I had a PhD and suck it up and like, I was so tough and I was just going to push down the pain and then numb it. Out. And the thing is, if we don't feel these feelings, I mean, we heal what we reveal and if we don't deal and heal the pain, deal with and then heal the pain, then it will come out in everything that we do, the way we love, the way that we lead our relationships. And so it took me down a dark path. And since 2016, I ended up getting sober and it's given me my life back.
But I just want anybody who's listening, who's struggling and you might feel like, oh, well, nobody is going to understand what I'm going through. That's how I felt. I was like, nobody understands the shame that I feel or the pain that I'm dealing with or the fact that I've lost my career and my confidence and that I'm deformed. Nobody's going to understand that. Nobody's going to understand how I'm drinking every day. Like, oh, I had so much shame about that. And what I realized is we're all going through something.
[00:11:54] Speaker A: I mean, you were suffering in silence.
[00:11:57] Speaker B: Oh, suffering in silence. And it was just getting worse and worse and worse. And I thought, I cannot believe that I survived this near death accident only to slowly be killing myself with alcohol.
[00:12:11] Speaker A: Okay, so, so now you're, you're in this state. You are. Your mindset sounds to be very different from when the 1% comment came, came up. How did you turn it around and get yourself sober and get yourself back on track with that grit and grace mindset that you have now?
[00:12:31] Speaker B: Well, I had this mindset of all grit. It was all grit and it was all suck it up. And suck it up only gets you so far.
And I was pushing and hustling and trying and, and I was not, you know, I was not in acceptance for where I was and who I was on my journey. I was in denial. And I think that the, whether you're going through a health battle or, or any kind of challenge, I think the very first thing for any transformation is to be an acceptance. And what I mean by that is like, really take a good hard look at your life and ask yourself, well, how's that working for you? Like, is it helping you or is it hur you? And I knew deep down inside that this had turned into a problem. And I had so much shame around it because I had always promised myself I would not end up like other people in my family who were addicted to drugs or alcohol. I was so different. I was the fitness girl, I was the go getter. But I could not stuff down the pain anymore. And I think that. That I had a lot of misconceptions where I felt like, you know, my stubbornness, I thought was my strength, and I convince myself that was grit. And. But in all reality, you know, suck it up only meant that I had exhausted all other avenues, and I felt like I had to solely rely on myself. And what I realized is we're not meant to do hard things alone. We are built for connection. And how I got through that moment was I got on my knees and I prayed.
And I think that God gave me that little. I mean, I barely. I think we all have a light within us, like a light inside of us, and mine was barely a flicker. And. But that prayer gave me just enough courage to reach out to somebody and say, hey, I think I got a problem, and I really need help.
And I will say that that person was like, yep, I'm going to help you. I'm going to take you to a recovery meeting. And I didn't hear back from her. And a week went by, and I thought, I'm gonna die. I need help, like, now, or else I'm gonna die. And I googled recovery programs, and I found a recovery program. That was the time it was. Was my daughter was in school and my husband was at work because I was now going from hiding my drinking to. To hiding, going to a recovery meeting. And I share that because, you know, not always when we reach out for help, is somebody going to respond to us or be able to help us. And don't let that stop you from reaching out. Reach out to someone else and. And really have the willingness to do whatever it takes to help yourself. And so I, you know, had told my husband that I thought I had a problem. And he was like, oh, you don't have a problem. Anybody, you know, dealing with as much as you're dealing with would. Would be doing the same thing. And the. The thing was, I knew deep down that I had a problem. And so I think it's so important. People will tell you, oh, it's not a problem, or, oh, no, that's not the way it is. You have to listen to your gut. Deep down, you know, your soul knows whether something is right or wrong, whether it's working for you or it's not, whether it's hurting you or helping you. And so I went to that first meeting, and I got sober. And so I think, you know, one day at a time, and I just kept going to a meeting. And in fact, right before I jumped on here, I was at A recovery meeting on zoom. And so I think that how it starts is really taken, being taken, radical acceptance, taking a good hard look at your life, and then having a willingness to do whatever it takes to know that you can take the action steps to make your life better and, and focusing on the one day at a time.
[00:16:41] Speaker A: Right? There's so, there's so much here. I, I, I don't want to gloss over the fact that you mentioned that you went on your knees and prayed too often. In this country, we are told not to talk about religion and all this kind of stuff, and this is not going to be a whole religious type of talk. My point is, is when you bring yourself back to being on your knees, I believe we all need to have faith in a higher power, whether it's God, the universe or something, because we can't go it alone. If you could bring yourself back to being on your knees and praying, can you recall and are you willing to tell us what you prayed for? How did you pray?
Really curious, because I find myself sometimes on my knees and not sure what to say.
[00:17:30] Speaker B: Well, you know what? Thank you. And I know that. And I remember when I first did my TED Talk, the advice and that I got was, don't talk too much about your accident and don't talk about God. And I was like, well, those were, that was a defining moment for me. And God is the most important thing because if I don't have my faith, I can't get through the daily challenges. And so I still get on my knees and pray, you know, whether it's to thank God or ask God to speak through me or if I need help. And, you know, I remember being at this one conference, I was speaking at this conference, and this speaker who was a son of a pastor and this guy, he was just a, he prayed so beautifully and eloquently. And he ran, he was about to go on stage and he ran over and grabbed me and he said, amberly, can you please pray with me? And I kid you not, Drew, like, I started sweating because I was so nervous to pray out loud because I don't pray all fancy or anything. I pray to God just like I'm talking to a friend. And so when I get on my knees and pray, when I prayed at that moment, I said, God, I need help. Can you please help me?
Those, that was it. I need help. I, I can't continue living like this anymore.
[00:18:56] Speaker A: Yeah, I, I admire you for that. And I want to tell my audience that, you know, whether it's God, the Universe, another person. The point is that you're never alone. We may feel it. It may feel like the darkest part of your life. You're never alone. And to be able to feel comfortable in your own skin, to ask for help is a strength. It's not a weakness. And too many powers that be in this country are telling us that showing your emotion is a weakness, especially for men. And you know what? It goes the same for women. Women have every right to be assertive and not be shamed by somebody outside when women are assertive. So with this whole gender thing, women have a right to be assertive and emotional, and men have a right to be assertive and emotional. And we need.
[00:19:49] Speaker B: Thank you for saying that.
[00:19:51] Speaker A: I mean, it's ridiculous. We need each other. Men need women. Women need men, and we can learn from each other. Yeah, we may think differently. Let's learn about the thinking language of each of us. We got to break down those walls, get rid of the labels, and start working together. That's how we're going to heal this nation. One. One person at a time, Amberly. And I'm ready right now. And I just admire the hell out of you.
[00:20:13] Speaker B: Oh, I admire you, and I admire that you are setting such an incredible example for other men and all that you share on your show. Thank you so much. I mean, I just spoke to one of the toughest crowds. I think the toughest crowd. I. I mean, I would think that maybe teenagers were kind of tough, but no, this crowd was. I spoke to hundreds of firefighters in the state of California for their biannual conference. I was their keynote speaker, and they wanted me to talk about behavioral health and resilience and vulnerability, and let me tell you, a bunch of burly, strong, big, tough firemen. They all sat in the audience with their arms crossed, and I was like, oh, my goodness, this is hard. In the event, I thought, they hate me.
This is terrible. I can't believe I'm speaking. It was tough. And then afterwards, the event planner came over and said, hey, I just want you to know that was exactly what we needed and what we wanted to hear, and we really appreciate you sharing that. That was. That was great. She said, these guys are not gonna raise their hand and ask you questions or uncross their arms. But she said, let me tell you, they're gonna come over to you one by one and talk to you. And guess what, Drew?
[00:21:31] Speaker A: They did.
And they're going to. Because firefighters, police officers, veterans, are all trained to compartmentalize and be tough. And you know what? That doesn't mix with who we are naturally. So I'm. I'm not surprised, Amberly, whether they want to admit it out out loud, that's fine. If they don't want to go home, feel it. You have people you can talk to who aren't going to say, you need to live the stereotype. So good for you. I mean, what a feeling that must have been for you. You're assuming that because of the body language of arms crossed that they didn't like you. Right. That was a facade. So tell me.
[00:22:09] Speaker B: It just goes to show you, you never know, like, how your message will be perceived. Or. Or I get. You just never know and you never know who's really listening or hearing and. Or, you know. But, yeah, it was. It was a tough crowd, but it was. Ended up being seriously one of the best times. Memories of my life to be able to do that, because firefighters are such heroes to me, and they've had such a big part. I mean, I opened my talk with. I mean, I wouldn't have been standing there alive if it weren't for the firefighters who. Right away. The first responders who came over and they saved me.
Yeah. But I just understand because, you know, my husband's retired now, but he was a lieutenant commander with a highway patrol and same. They're like, they're not taught to.
To be vulnerable or share. And so my husband was telling me about that, and he said, yeah. He goes, yeah, Amberly, if you got a guy who's like, saying that he's having a hard time and, you know, or they're suicidal, who's going to want to work with them? And I'm like, we need to change. Change this. We need to have outlets for first responders and for strong men and strong women to be able to share their vulnerabilities. Because I felt the. I was like, I do not. I. Years went by, Drew years.
My defense, my stepdad sexually abused me. And when I would cry, he would laugh at me, point at me and laugh and say, I knew it. I knew I could get you. So for years, I didn't cry. And my defense was, I am not going to show vulnerability or any emotion, and I will never cry again. And it hit me one day, my daughter and I were running through the airport, and I had my hands full, and I missed my flight. You know, I got to the gate and I saw the plane backing up, and I just dropped all my bags and started crying. And she was little, and she looked up at me and she said, mama, I didn't know you knew how to cry. And it was in that moment I thought, something's got to change. This isn't just a story that I've created for myself. This has become a way of life for my family. And I do not want my daughters to be raised thinking that it's, you know, it's not okay to cry, or they can't express their feelings or they can't ask for help, or there are times they don't get upset. Like, again, like we are.
There's a saying, we're only as sick as our secrets. If you keep stuffing it down and you don't show emotion will lead you to mentally not being resilient, to physically not feeling good. It comes out and everything. It manifests in our bodies. And so from that moment on, I started to change. In the day that. I mean, when I got sober, I don't think. I think there wasn't probably a day that went by for the first year of my sobriety that I didn't cry every single day. It was like the floodgates came open and all this emotion came out. And it's very. It's healing. It's. It's cathartic.
[00:25:31] Speaker A: Well, it is. And for the. For the people in the audience who. Who hear that and think, oh, yeah, sure, there's science behind it. So for those of you who like data and data tell a story, the first piece of data is 85% of physical ailments are due to unresolved internal stress. Okay. And that's number one. Number two, crying is a natural release of toxins in our body.
So for those of you who keep that in and keep it in because you're tough and it's a weakness to cry, you're holding toxins in your body that are going to come out as a physical ailment if you don't address it. So. So forget what people think about you and the whole shame thing. Think about the actual physical science and of our human body, the way we're built. You need to release toxins in your body, and part of it is crying is a release of certain toxins. Look it up.
And so, Amberly, I bless you for. For being who you are, your authentic self. And, yeah, I could talk to you forever.
I do have two final questions, and, you know, before we let the audience know how to get in touch with you, because we've gotten the essence of Amberly now, and they're going to want to reach out to you. First question, you're sitting down with 7 to 10 year old Amberly. And you want to give her advice about life.
What are you going to tell her?
[00:27:05] Speaker B: Listen to your gut.
Trust your gut. Your gut never lies. You're right. Listen to your gut. Because for so long, you know, like at that age, at age 8 or 9, is when the sexual abuse started.
And I knew that it wasn't right, but my stepfather said this is right. This is how dads teach their daughters. And in my gut, I was like, no, no. For so, for a long time, I didn't trust myself because I trusted this, you know, authority over me, who was supposed to love and protect me. And so I would tell my younger self to trust your gut.
[00:27:49] Speaker A: Beautiful.
That one hit me. I give you credit. Okay, last question.
Switching hats. You're now sitting with young Amberly, the professional businesswoman entrepreneur. Gonna make it in the world. What kind of business advice are you gonna give her?
[00:28:11] Speaker B: I would say that it takes grit plus connection. And that's where you're going to be resilient in your business. Because what I learned, you know, I used to try to just be all about the grit and the hustle and you know, I was mottos in Texas like get her done and cowgirl up. And what I've learned, grit without connection, without community, just feels like resistance. It feels like hitting roadblocks or rock bottom, feels like trying to crawl, you know, claw your way to the top. It feels like moving through quicksand. But grit with connection, well, that's where you truly find resilience. That's where you can have something sustainable. And I would like to say one more thing is, you know, find joy for the journey, have more fun, do what makes you happy and don't take life so seriously and remember why you started. I mean, I could go on and.
[00:29:14] Speaker A: On, but that's okay.
[00:29:16] Speaker B: Love talking with you.
[00:29:18] Speaker A: I'll want to have you on again. All right, so. So right now, the audience, I believe we've captured the essence of Amberly Lago and they're going to want to get more of you. How can the audience reach you?
[00:29:32] Speaker B: You can find me@amberly lago.com I hang out and lots of behind the scenes shenanigans on Instagram mostly is where I hang out. It's Amberly Lago motivation. And then I would love to give your audience something that I've created so they, if they're going through any kind of a struggle, they'll be able to implement this. I have a something called the PACER methodology and it allows you to tap into Your superpower of resilience and thrive. So if you just text me the word GRIT G R I T to 818-214-7378, you'll get your free downloadable playbook. I say playbook because I think we all need to play a little bit more in life. But yeah, so. And you can also just text me there. That's my text number and I will text you back. It's me actually texting you. So sometimes it takes me a couple of days, but it's me. And I'd love to hear from you. And let me know that, you know, you heard this episode with Drew and I.
[00:30:34] Speaker A: Absolutely. And I'll put all that information in the show notes, everybody, so you'll be able to see it. Well, Amberly, thank you. And I want to let you know I am grateful you're in my life and there's a reason why we met. And please keep doing what you're doing because you inspire me and you inspire others. So thank you so much for coming on again. I really appreciate it.
[00:30:52] Speaker B: Oh, thank you. You inspire me. I love your show and I love the work that you do. It's so needed in the world. So thank you for this opportun to be a part of this and to get to connect with your community, and I just really appreciate you.
[00:31:11] Speaker A: Thank you so much. It's my pleasure. All right, everybody. Have a safe and healthy life. We love you. Talk to you later.
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