Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
[00:00:06] Speaker B: Welcome to From Caving in to Crushing it, the podcast for those who find themselves immersed in adversity and choose to write their story instead of having others write it for them. I'm Drew Duraney and I'm your host.
Today's guest is Ron Sowers.
Ron Sowers, a strength coach, podcast host, and fierce mental health advocate, helps adults, especially men over 40, who are navigate navigating ADHD, depression, addiction and social isolation to reclaim their voice and reconnect with purpose. After decades of masking, burnout and breaking cycles, Ron's turned his life, his lived experience and professional training into a transformative coaching program rooted in mindfulness based strength practice, MBSP pro social behavior, and something he calls fierce kindness.
Enjoy the show. Hey, Ron. So good to see you.
[00:01:07] Speaker A: Yeah, you too, Drew. Well, thanks for having me.
[00:01:11] Speaker B: I'm loving that you're here. And I love the hat. The hat says, what does the hat say for the audience?
[00:01:17] Speaker A: Don't mind me. I'm different.
[00:01:19] Speaker B: And we're all different, my friend.
[00:01:21] Speaker A: We're all different.
[00:01:22] Speaker B: So the audience knows. I always thank the person who introduces me to my guest. And this is kind of different because you learned about us from Pod pitch and you learned about Pod pitch from your coach, Christine Blodsdale. So, Christine, thank you for introducing Ron to Pod Pitch and Pod Pitch. Thanks for helping Ron out. Glad we found each other. We had a great initial call and I definitely wanted him on the show, so that's. Thank you all around, everybody.
I always start this show by talking about how when we're young, we're told that life is linear. It's a straight line, it's a straight path. If we do A plus, B plus C, D is going to happen.
Well, for the most part, life is linear until it's not. There comes that external circumstance or that adversity that comes in between one of those letters and we go from a straight path to that circuitous one. We live now.
And when that happens, when adversity rears its ugly head, there are three types of men out there. There's man number one who doesn't even notice the adversity. He's got so many blind spots, it's ridiculous. And he's learned to live life the way people told him to live, and that's what he does. And nothing changes. I don't have man number one on this show.
Now there's man number two. He's got a heightened self awareness, more so than man number one. And he sees the adversity, yet he says he's the victim. I'm the victim. Everybody else is to blame. Life's doing it to me. I can't change anything. It is what it is. And he goes along life and doesn't change a thing. And on his deathbed, he's got a ton of regrets. All right, I don't bring man number two on either. I bring man number three on. Like Ron Sowers, man number three sees the adversity, and he finally says, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. This adversity is an opportunity. It's not a barrier. It gives me a chance to do something different, take massive action and become a stronger man on the other side. Ron is that stronger man. So, Ron, do the audience and me a favor and reach back as far as you need to for that defining moment. Whether it was the tap on the shoulder, the whisper in the ear, or, like, what I needed, the 2 by 4 upside my head that transformed you from either man number one or two, whoever you were, to man number three, the man you are now, and how that affected you personally and professionally. You got a good story for us?
[00:03:42] Speaker A: Yeah. I would say that that moment was when I woke up on the Mall of D.C.
homeless.
And, you know, I just had enough. Like, I had enough of the drugs. Like, I had enough of that lifestyle. I had enough of, you know, trying to figure my life out, and that I needed help.
And that moment has slowly but surely transformed me into the man that I am today.
[00:04:17] Speaker B: Wow.
So give us a little detail. So you wake up and you open your eyes and you realize where you are. The blind spots are gone.
Were you considering yourself a victim, or did you go right from the blind spot guy right to the one who said that's it?
[00:04:34] Speaker A: No, that. That definitely didn't. You know, I. You know, I definitely thought like, the, you know, and I woke up and it was cold, and I was just like, this is.
This isn't fun anymore.
This isn't how I want to live my life.
Because I was actually working a job and became homeless again, and for, like, the second time in my life. And I just was like, you know, I. I need to change this. And there was a freedom in admitting that I was an addict and that I needed help. And, you know, that led me to getting the help.
And a lot of it was, you know, and even that week was. Was crazy.
You know, it's not like I gave up drugs at that point. Right. But I was in the process of like, okay, because it's a relationship. It was A relationship that I had, and I had to give up that relationship and understand that it was something that helped me or I thought helped me for so long. Like, it numb the pain, numb the emotions that numb the shame of, you know, and it got me away from, like, all the. The supposed doubts that I had. And I thought it was helping me, but it was really holding me back creatively, spiritually, everything.
But I didn't learn that right away. That didn't, like, just come in that moment where, like, God came down and doves and, like, I was like, yeah, this is my. My life's going to be totally different. No, it's. It was. There was a lot of, you know, being a victim, and there was a lot of, like, I had to understand that it wasn't the drugs that was really the problem. The problem was that I didn't know how to deal with life and that I continued to play that victim. And, you know, every time that I didn't take responsibility for my actions, like, I was only holding myself back, you know, and my sponsor at the time was like, you know, a really big key to that was, like, him asking the question, like, what part did you play in that? Like, there was one time where I. I like, you know, I was living in this community house, and, you know, it's like a recovery sober house, and we share this dryer, and we have certain days. That is our days. And, like, I was doing my laundry that day, and somebody had taken out my laundry in the middle of the dryer cycle, and I was, like, really upset. So, like, you know, I. I told my manager. I mean, I told the house manager about it, and I was feeling real good. And then I went to my sponsor and was like, yeah, he's gonna, like, give me a pat on the back. And he was like, no, you probably shouldn't have done that. Like, you should. Should have taken responsibility for, you know, and, like, you know, you're living in a house with a bunch of addicts.
[00:07:42] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:07:42] Speaker A: Like.
Like, expecting them to follow the rules is only going to make me angry. So, you know, I definitely didn't really receive that advice, like, right away, but it made sense because, like, I've just got to time that, and if that happens, they. It just happened. I can't just, like, nothing's going to fix that. It's just going to create a bigger situation.
[00:08:05] Speaker B: Right, right.
[00:08:06] Speaker A: So I was able to understand, like, yeah, maybe, like, I started to try to take more responsibility in all the actions. Yeah, it didn't look right. And, you know, that from that point forward.
[00:08:20] Speaker B: Right.
[00:08:20] Speaker A: But it was like I was able to see that and start taking more responsibility, even though it was like, you know, I had to admit things that I didn't want to. Like, I had to admit that I was, like, not the person that I thought I was.
[00:08:34] Speaker B: Right.
[00:08:35] Speaker A: So it really helped me change.
[00:08:37] Speaker B: That's pretty powerful. And it's. Your sponsor was very helpful looking at it a different way. And I didn't even see that until you explained what he meant. And it's a good point. I mean, if you time how long the dryer takes and you know that these are addicts that are not going to follow the rules, and maybe you stand by the dryer for the hour it takes so they don't take yourself out.
[00:08:59] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
[00:08:59] Speaker B: It really. Yeah, it's the little things we take for granted when we're. When we're, you know, straight and sober and all that kind of stuff that we take for granted. And. And now. Now, thank God you're. You're being. You saw the light.
So the first step was. Was going from man number one to two, getting rid of those blind spots. And. And, hey, part of it.
Many of us claim we're the victim, Right. What got you? I guess that was part of it. Your sponsor helped, but got you to realize that after you got the help you needed, what was the next step? Like, what'd you figure to do after you got the help needed and you stopped? I'm assuming you've been clean for a long time.
[00:09:43] Speaker A: Yeah, it'll be this Thursday. It'll be six years.
[00:09:46] Speaker B: God bless.
[00:09:47] Speaker A: All right.
[00:09:47] Speaker B: Congratulations on that anniversary. That's a big milestone. So take us to, you know, maybe being sober for a week and how that felt and how you did that.
[00:09:58] Speaker A: Well, I mean, I. I went into, you know, this treatment center, Right. And, you know, so, like, I had a lot of support and, you know, it was just like, you know, being in that environment and. And, you know, trying to, you know, like, get involved with the group and, like, going to, like, about four or five na na, naa meetings a day really helped to create this structure, but it was still like, just a bubble. And like, by the end of that period, and even in that, I was like, you know, thinking about using and I was thinking that I was failing, you know, that, like, how could I have these thoughts, like, you know, what's wrong with me? And like, the more that I, like, understood that, you know, like I said, it was a relationship.
[00:10:52] Speaker B: Right. True.
[00:10:53] Speaker A: Like, it was so something that I did for My whole life. So it's not just going to change overnight.
[00:11:00] Speaker B: Overnight.
[00:11:00] Speaker A: You know, to be honest, it's like I still have thoughts, right? Not as often, but of using. Because it's like, it's a reminder, like I'm still an addict. Like it's never going to change. Right. So throughout that process, like, I, I became. Had a good fear of like going back out in the real world because, like, I didn't want to use. And this is uncharted territory. I've never, like, you're talking to a guy that thought I could not survive a day without smoking weed.
[00:11:31] Speaker B: I see.
[00:11:32] Speaker A: Like there was not one day.
[00:11:33] Speaker B: Right.
[00:11:34] Speaker A: And for me to be able to, you know, so 30 days was uncharted to 60 days, and 90 days was like uncharted territory. So I really needed somebody to help guide me through that. And part of that was like the step work, you know, applying the steps. At first I thought it was just like, well, I just need to write out the steps and, you know, get. Check off a task, get this done as quickly as possible. Yeah. But over time I learned that it was, it wasn't. That's part of the process.
Like, it's the application of what I'm learning in those steps in my life that's going. That started to slowly change who I was. And one of the toughest things for me, you know, that took me the longest times was acceptance, was like that steep level self acceptance that I have adhd, that I'm an addict, you know, because, like, the whole process was me trying to fix it and get better and like checking off, check this, checked off, this checked off, this checked off. So I could just say I did it, but not actually, like, you know, internalizing it and understanding it, like on a deep level that, like, there's, you know, really nothing wrong with whatever's happening with me. It's just what happened in life.
[00:12:51] Speaker B: Right.
[00:12:51] Speaker A: It's wrong. The direction that I took. Right. You know, I'm not responsible for being an addict, but I am responsible for my recovery.
[00:13:00] Speaker B: Right. Hey, that's a good point. That's a good point. So you, so you mentioned adhd. At what point? I know we're going to talk about that in detail right now. At what point did you realize that you had attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and how that could have contributed to the addiction?
[00:13:21] Speaker A: Yeah, totally. I found that out because I was about to lose my job and I kept getting called in to the office because, like, I, I would go, I would be going too fast. People were telling me to slow down. Even my sponsor was like, yeah. And I was just like, y' all don't know what you're talking about. Like, I've got to make up for lost time.
All the time that I was an addict, all the time that I wasted. And, you know, there was always this people pleasing that I just wasn't even aware of.
[00:13:50] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:13:51] Speaker A: Because I was like, man, I don't need people. Why would I please them? But everything else was just pointing towards that.
So at that point, like, I was scared into getting the help. So I went to my primary care and told him, like, yeah, I'm. I'm scared I'm about to lose my job. Like, what can I do? Like, I can't slow down. And she's kind of like, gives me this blank stare of like, ah, well, I don't really know what to do. Is it anxiety? And I was like, well, maybe it's adhd.
And she was like, kind of really not convinced, but she still gave me a list of psychologists and therapists, and I went down that list. Like. Like, I needed to find that yesterday or last week. Like, I need the help right now. Because, like, again, it was that I needed to fix this. I needed to have that solution so I could move on with my life. Right. And I went through that therapy, and one of the first things that he told me was that we can turn. I know you think that this is a weakness, but we can actually turn this into a strength.
[00:14:59] Speaker B: I love that. Wow.
[00:15:00] Speaker A: And I was like, what is this guy talking about? Like, and once that, like. And I was elated to know, like, there's something that this is something.
You know, there's an actual name for what I'm going through.
[00:15:15] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:15:16] Speaker A: But after that wore off.
[00:15:18] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:15:18] Speaker A: I was like, man, I'm one of those, ah, okay. Like, I'm broken. Like, I. I had this deep sense of being broken already, being an addict already on top of that and trying to fix this thing. That wasn't even something that I needed to fix.
[00:15:36] Speaker B: Right.
[00:15:36] Speaker A: I just needed to manage it better. Right.
[00:15:40] Speaker B: So when did you talk to your therapist about start feel broken with the ADHD diagnosis and how did he help you with that?
[00:15:48] Speaker A: I don't think I really expressed that a lot.
[00:15:52] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:15:52] Speaker A: You know, because, like, I still under that mindset. But then. So I stopped seeing him.
[00:15:58] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:15:58] Speaker A: For a little while. Right. I. Eight months. It was like a money thing. And like, I, you know, I was like, I think I'm. I'm better now. I don't need you. And like, you know, I ended up getting a, you know, taking another role in my job and this one required me to operate a fork truck and deal with chemicals and mixing. So I was like that people pleasing showed up and I wanted to be the best, get through that training and show them like, yeah, you made the, the right decision here. And I ended up crashing into like, like a reinforcement pole, taking that out, you know, puncturing drums with chemicals in it. Like there was all types of wreckage going on and you know, I was like going back, I needed to go back to my therapist.
[00:16:49] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:16:50] Speaker A: You know, and, and at that point I was like, man, this is, this is something that I need to take seriously and I needed to give it all the time that it needs because like, I was about to lose my job again. And even after I was seeing him, like I still hit this, this like rail and pulled it down with. Because I got distracted and I was working so hard on slowing down and get, you know, and it was just like, it was so frustrating at that moment and I was so full of stress and, and scared of losing my job again.
And you know, I, I remember that night I took took off half the day because they, fortunately they have that, you know, where you can just give them 30 minutes notice and you can just use your, if you've got health and save time, you just use it whenever.
[00:17:44] Speaker B: All right.
[00:17:45] Speaker A: I went and talked to my sponsor and, and you know, really needed, you know, to, to heal from that. And the next.
It was like that Monday they, they pulled me in and we're like. And I was just made the decision that I needed to step down from that role.
[00:18:02] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:18:02] Speaker A: And that was like the best decision that I made. Although at the time it was like I was like, what did you do? What are people going to think about you? It was like, of course forget what those people are going to think about you because they, they don't have to watch, they don't have to pay your bills, they don't have to live your life. They don't like this. And, and I honestly, one of my managers came out, he was like, man, I'm so proud of what you did because that took a lot of strength because I've seen guys that just power through it and they end up losing their job. Yeah. So I was like, I knew and, and, and I knew from that point, like, I'm never going back to that. Me and heavy machinery, they were not made to be together. And that's fine. Yeah, I don't need that stress, you know, and it, and that's when I decided to look for other opportunities outside my job, and that's what led me to really, really transform it. And, like, that's when I found mindfulness. And that's. That's what really opened up, like, so many doors.
[00:19:05] Speaker B: That's when you found what? I missed that part.
[00:19:07] Speaker A: Mindfulness.
[00:19:08] Speaker B: Mindfulness. Gotcha. Gotcha, Gotcha. All right, so let's. Let's talk about the transformation and what you're doing now, because I know you are helping people with ADHD and helping yourself, too, while you're helping others. Let's talk about mindfulness and what you. What you're doing now in your profession to help people with adhd.
[00:19:27] Speaker A: Yeah. So I learned about mindfulness from my ADHD coach. So I got one because I wanted to know what it was like because I wanted to be a coach. Sure. Um, you know, and I was wondering what the difference is because I had a therapist, and.
[00:19:41] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:19:42] Speaker A: You know, and there's differences. You know, it's like the. The therapist can help you understand what's going on and give you some tools, while a coach is going to motivate you and give you practical advice. You know, usually an ADHD coach knows they have adhd, so they can give you, you know, that motivation that you're lacking and that support and. And. And showing you what you're doing. Right.
So it was, like. It was really, you know, very helpful. And she showed me mindfulness. And at first I was like, what is this gonna do? Like, sitting there still, you know? Like, it just sounds like it's not gonna help, like, because I was talking about all this anxiety because I wanted to build my business, and I was getting so overwhelmed with, like, you know, having to clean the house and having to do basic stuff like cook meals for myself. And it was like, this is getting in the way of me building my business. So I was getting all this anxiety, right? And she. That's when she talked about mindfulness. So I tried it. And the first day I tried it, I was actually, like. I got. There was this happiness.
It's like this, like, light went off. Like, man, if I put this. Because it gave me this space, right? It gave me this ability to. To step outside myself and to just observe the thoughts that are just running through my head. Like most people with ADHD are running through.
Like, they're. They're drowning in these thoughts because they don't have enough time to just sit back and say, like, wait, this isn't even, like, a thought I should be having or where's that, you know, or just stepping outside of that with curiosity.
[00:21:28] Speaker B: Yeah, curiosity is a big. Actually, that's a huge, huge thing is curiosity. If we continue to have curiosity.
[00:21:35] Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
[00:21:35] Speaker B: And keep you in the current moment and that mindfulness becomes stronger.
Tell us how you're doing in your business. Like, how are you helping other people?
[00:21:45] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm helping guys that, you know are over 40 that deal with ADHD, addiction or. Or depression, you know, how to. How to help them become more social, you know, and be. And have more of those. Like that communication and that connection.
[00:22:00] Speaker B: Right.
[00:22:00] Speaker A: Because, like, we're designed by God to be connected.
[00:22:04] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:22:05] Speaker A: And like, like when we.
We usually isolate and we don't know how to talk about what's really going on. And that's where I go deep into that, like, emotional and mixing it with that mindfulness, with character strengths, so that you can understand what your strengths are and how to lean on those and leverage those to help you understand your emotions and explore those emotions on a deeper level and then be able to express those. Like, part of, part of what I coach is like, going out to strangers and talking about, you know, your passions or, or what you're struggling with, being open with that, because there is such a power in being able to do that.
[00:22:49] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:22:50] Speaker A: Like, if you, because, you know, honestly, you're like, man, I don't want to tell the stranger, like, what are they going to think? Or, you know, they might run away or be like, get away from me, or whatever is going through your head. But there's. Honestly, there's this, this freeing space that people can. You can talk about things that you can't tell the people, you know, your closest family members or the closest friends, because you're afraid. You built this, this, this. This rigid structure of like, well, I can't talk about this because you've tried to in the past and you couldn't.
[00:23:30] Speaker B: Right.
[00:23:30] Speaker A: So there's this barrier there that's not there. Or when you're talking to somebody and it's not like you. I'm saying we'll run out to everybody and talk to them.
You'll understand, like, who you can talk to.
[00:23:43] Speaker B: Of course, that's the skill you can learn. Who's the appropriate person to talk to, who's going to bring you up rather than knock you down.
And I like the whole idea about conquering people, pleasing. Because who cares what society says men are supposed to be like, right, we're going to decide that for ourselves. And you're building strength with empathy with your clients.
So I absolutely love that. Love that Ron. So audience, you certainly captured the essence of Ron Sowers and you're going to want to get in touch with him. So Ron suggested go to his website, your ADHD guy dot com. Now I do know that you have some kind of challenge coming up. Ron, can you tell us about that challenge?
[00:24:22] Speaker A: Yeah, it's, it's something that I, you know, I'm brewing. It's like a soft opening of this challenge and it's called the Reclaim youm Voice challenge. It's a seven day challenge where, where I coach you as a group to do what I do in seven days to be able to go out and communicate and start to really develop that strong emotional connection through mindfulness. And I give techniques, we go into that whole mindset and yeah, I'm really excited about seeing the transformation.
[00:24:58] Speaker B: Ah, I'm looking forward to hearing about it. When are you doing that?
[00:25:01] Speaker A: I'm doing that November 3rd through the 9th. It's 10:00am to 11:30 p. Oh no, that would be crazy. 11:30am Eastern time.
[00:25:13] Speaker B: Okay, great. That's awesome. All right, so the third through the ninth you said of, of November, November 2025. So I'm going to make sure I get this episode out before that so, so people can hear it.
[00:25:26] Speaker A: Yeah, I appreciate that.
[00:25:27] Speaker B: No, absolutely. So I could talk to you forever about this. But let's, let's get to the last two questions I want to ask you. All right, so now I'm going to give you an opportunity to be in your happy place. You're sitting down with 7 to 10 year old Ron Sowers and you want to give him advice about life. What are you going to tell him?
[00:25:46] Speaker A: Just say, you know, it's okay to be who you are. Like, don't you know God made. God doesn't make mistakes.
You have a gift and like, you know you're gonna go through some things that are, are gonna seem unfair, but it's gonna make you stronger. And like, honestly, you know, I wish you didn't have to go through them, but I understand the man who I am today is only. I could only be that by going through those things.
But like, if I could soften the blow, just be okay. Like just be okay with whatever you're feeling. You don't have to, you don't have to run away from that. You don't have to disguise that and drugs like. And you know your dad loves you.
[00:26:35] Speaker B: Oh, I love that. I love that. That's beautiful.
All right, so let's switch hats and you're now sitting down with young entrepreneur, young businessman Ron Sowers. You want to give him advice about business, what would you tell him?
[00:26:48] Speaker A: Just, like, keep doing it. Like, go to the. To the brakes fall off.
Don't give up, because that's, That's. That's just going to set you back and you're always going to regret, like, not pushing forward.
You know, some of the greatest people in this world, you know, great. You know, you look at J.K. rollins, you look at Steve Jobs like they were either fired or told that what they were doing wasn't what the world needed, you know, that. To go find something else.
[00:27:20] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:27:21] Speaker A: You know, and. And if. If you. You have something in you and it's going to be tough.
[00:27:27] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:27:28] Speaker A: Like, anything worth it is going to take a lot of. And there's going to be a lot of failures, and it's going to seem like it's not working, but it is. It is going to work. At some point, you know, it's just gonna. It's gonna be worth the effort.
[00:27:41] Speaker B: I love it. It's so true. This is great advice, man. Hey, Ron, I want to thank you for not just coming on, but for finding us. I want to thank Christine and POD Pitch and you for finding us. Glad you're in my world, man. A lot of gratitude here, and I want you to keep doing what you're doing. You're a wonderful human being and you've conquered so much and you've transformed so much. You got so much more work to do, and I'm proud of you, man. And, yeah, thanks again. And you take care of yourself, Ron.
[00:28:07] Speaker A: Thank you. I appreciate your kind words and, and the enthusiasm that you bring to your show, man. Like, and. And what you do is so amazing. Thank you for being you.
[00:28:18] Speaker B: I appreciate it. Everybody out there, please take care of yourself.
Thanks so much for listening. If you enjoyed the episode, please subscribe and give us a review. To help others find it, I'd like you to answer this question.
Are you living the life you want to live, or are you living the life others want you to live? I'd like you to think about that for a second, because I strongly suggest you live the life you want to live. If you want to learn more about what I stand for and my services and how I'm able to help many men get out of their own way, please go to my website at www.prophetcompassion.com.
feel free to also email me at drewrophetcompassion.com I'd love to have a conversation with you, take care of yourself and choose to write your own story instead of letting others write it for you.
