[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
[00:00:09] Speaker B: The podcast for those who find themselves immersed in adversity and choose to write their story instead of having others write it for them. I'm Drew Duraney and I'm your host.
[00:00:21] Speaker C: Today's guest is Ben Curtis.
Ben Curtis is a multifaceted force, an award winning actor, musician, speaker and coach driven by a passion for guiding men toward thriving in all aspects of life.
He's the visionary, co founder and CEO of Dude Nation, the global startup shaping the future of men's wellness. Ben spearheads transformative initiatives like dude school, a 10 week masterclass on masculinity, the Dude Deep Dive Retreat and dudecon, the premier annual North American conference for men's wellness at As a head coach and co founder of Treehouse coaching collective, an AI enabled executive leadership coaching organization, Ben serves the CEOs and their organizations worldwide.
In the realm of artistry, he leads the award winning indie folk band Dirty May alongside his wife and songwriting partner Cassie Fireman.
With a legacy that includes being the face of Dell Computers two decades ago with the iconic tagline dude, you're getting Adele, Ben has seamlessly transitioned into a leader in personal development, technology and self care.
His diverse expertise has earned him features on the Tonight Show, Good Morning America, the Today Show, Tough Mudder, People Magazine, and more. Ben is the host of the renowned podcast in its third season, dude, you're Getting well where he interviews leaders, healers and celebrities about how they've turned pain into purpose and thrive in today's culture.
For a full experience of Ben's impactful ventures, visit Ben Curtis co.
Enjoy the show.
[00:02:23] Speaker B: Ben Curtis Good to see you my friend. Thank you so much for coming on Drew.
[00:02:28] Speaker D: It is an honor to be here. Thank you so much for everyone who's listening and especially for you who holds this really special space.
[00:02:36] Speaker B: Well, absolutely.
It's an honor to have you on for a variety of reasons.
As my audience knows, I always thank the individual or individuals who introduced you to my guest and this one's a funny one. This is unique. I got a LinkedIn message from Ben saying that his colleague David Fulton, who I've never met, shared my profile on LinkedIn with Ben and it was also, I think David founded via Jed diamond, who have only met through LinkedIn. I'm trying to get Jed on the podcast but he's a busy man. So this is an interesting introduction. So I do want to thank David Fulton and Jed diamond for introducing me to Ben Curtis. Even though you didn't realize you were doing it because there's a reason why we meet people in life, whether it's God, the universe, what you believe in, there's a reason why Ben and I are here today. It's going to benefit. And that's a funny play on words. Benefit. Ben Curtis benefit.
Benefit. You know, Ben and me, and also the audience.
[00:03:41] Speaker A: Audience.
[00:03:41] Speaker B: So enjoy this show, everybody. You're gonna love it.
So why is Ben here? Well, you know, I often talk about how when we're young, and it's not a malicious teaching by our family or friends when we're young, though, we're taught that life is linear, it's a straight path. If you do A plus, B plus, C in that order, everything's gonna work out fine.
And for the most part, life is linear until it's not.
There's always going to be an external circumstance to get in between one of those letters and change the trajectory of our lives from that straight path to that circuitous one.
When adversity shows up, we either see it or we don't.
Man number one, I say there's three types of men in this world. Man number one's got a ton of blind spots, doesn't notice the adversity. Life is what he's supposed to, the way it is, and he just lives life the way he does.
But then many of us do see the adversity, and we either acknowledge it and move forward or we play the blame game. And I say man number two is that victim, not his fault.
It's life doing it to him. This is a barrier, this adversity. I can't do anything about it. It is what it is. He lives life on autopilot. And on his deathbed, he's got a ton of regrets.
All right, then there's man number three who sees that adversity. That's Ben Curtis.
And he says, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. This adversity is not a barrier. This is an opportunity to do something different, to take massive action and become a stronger man on the other side.
So, Ben, with that intro to the three different types of men, I'd like you to reach back as far as you need to for that defining moment or moments. Whether it was the tap on the shoulder, the whisper in the ear, or like, what I needed six years ago, the two by four upside my head transform you from the man you used to be to the Ben Curtis you are now and how the change in your behavior kind of transitioned you to the type of person you are now personally and what you're doing professionally. Care to share that, my friend?
[00:05:54] Speaker D: That's a great question.
[00:05:57] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:05:58] Speaker D: Thank you so much. And the way you painted man number one, two and three. And to see that journey visually, I could really see it as you were speaking. It's just so beautiful. And I continue to have such profound transformations and rebirths in my life that like, I'm not sure how many hundreds of transformations to go back. The first thing that stood out to me was September 11th.
So I'll say it's somewhere around.
That's the first thing I usually go with my intuition. What pops right away was that. And I'm the son of a preacher man, although my father and from the south, but my father was the coolest preacher ever and encouraged me to explore all faiths, go to synagogue with my friends, learn from like adversity right away. Yeah. I played in a all black baseball league. I was the only white kid there.
I lived on the edge of extreme wealth and extreme poverty.
My parents worked in civil rights and traveled the world. I had seen multiple countries by the age of 7 and lived in Europe and I was exposed to multiple languages, including I. We hosted children from Haiti and it was a boys choir and my father helped sponsor them. And I played soccer with them and spoke French with them. And so I've had profound life altering experiences since an early age. I mean, I'd say being birthed into my family right away was. My future was set out for me. I mean, if you can't hear it like the pastor, the beds work.
[00:07:43] Speaker B: Oh my gosh.
[00:07:44] Speaker D: And my parents were the first people in their generations to both get their therapy.
So we have extreme trauma, suicide, depression, generations deep. The first people to get therapy.
Why I say September 11, though, is because I was at the pinnacle of my success. And I was 20 years old. I was making six figures. I was the face of Dell Computers. I was the Dell computer dude, okay? I was on TV everywhere.
I was in school full time at Tisch School of the Arts on an acting scholarship. So I was already having a life changing experience. And I just moved in my first adult apartment in the what, two months, two weeks later, was going to be ground zero.
[00:08:29] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:08:30] Speaker D: And in ground zero in the World Trade center two weeks before that, I took the Landmark Forum, which was a personal growth and development experience like Tony Robbins in a way that was life altering. And then the whole thing exploded in front of my eyes and I developed incredibly intense ptsd.
And that was the beginning of my healing and my faith spiritual well being.
I mean, it really was the beginning of the darkness. It got a lot darker before it got better. But I'd say that's the profound moment when my life changed, and I could either crumble or fight and get better.
[00:09:14] Speaker B: That's the irony of it. We talked before we hit record about grief and healing, and grief could. If we handle it in a healthy way, it could be freedom.
And wow. Thank you for sharing that.
There's so much there, Ben. And we talk about the linear life. It was kind of handed to you the way you. Your life was supposed to be, Right.
[00:09:39] Speaker D: Oh, my God. Ready or not. Yeah, right.
[00:09:42] Speaker B: The, the, the, the, the taking people in and, and, and it's all beautiful.
And, you know, knowing a little about your life just by reading about you before, you know, before I had you on, I'm sure there's a few external circumstances that altered that linear path that you expected.
[00:10:05] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:06] Speaker D: Was going to be a famous actor.
[00:10:08] Speaker B: Even before 9 11. You think, you think about it, because you were in your 20s.
How old was I? I was. I was in my 30s in 911.
And.
But prior to that, I mean, were you thinking of following in dad's footsteps as a pastor or. Or were you. Because he encouraged you to try everything you can about life. What was starting to interest you before September 11th? I know you were already at Tisch School, but.
[00:10:40] Speaker D: But where did the theater? I mean, I've been performing since I was a child, so it was like, yeah, I'm gonna be a pastor or performer. It was pretty clear getting pastors are performers, right? Yeah, exactly.
[00:10:52] Speaker B: Pulpit and stuff. So. All right, let's get into that. Let's get into that whole.
[00:10:58] Speaker D: And I want to say something. I also was a magician, and from age 13 to 20, I did it professionally. And so I actually learned how to meld all of these things. I used theatrics, characters, healing, music.
I was super creative, and I told stories even about the trauma I was dealing with in my very family, like my parents divorcing and all the stuff that happened.
[00:11:21] Speaker B: You shared the vulnerability on a stage at a young age.
[00:11:25] Speaker D: Yeah. And that was how I healed out loud, like I needed to. I'm like, is anyone else seeing this? Because everyone else in my family, I mean, you know, family dynamics. I had a big sister. She was quiet, so I was loud.
I didn't like what was going on in my household. And so I developed ways to either peas please appease, or, you know, fight or flight. And it was really like comedy chameleon and people pleasing.
[00:11:53] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:11:53] Speaker D: And then. And then fighting. But anger always felt way too scary and not an option yeah.
And so that's something that I've dealt with through my whole life.
[00:12:02] Speaker B: Unbelievable. Unbelievable.
So let's, let's take us through Tish School because I've heard wonderful things about the school.
Very quickly. I, I've met.
I don't know if you know Ali Stroker.
Ali, yeah.
So here's. This is a good one. So Jim Stroker is my son's life coach. Jim's daughter's ally, Allie, was in a, an auto accident, age 4 and paralyzed. And she became the first ever actor slash actress in a wheelchair on Broadway.
[00:12:36] Speaker D: Oh, yeah, I recognize her. Yeah, I think I've seen her perform in something.
[00:12:40] Speaker B: Yeah, she was in Oklahoma on Broadway, and then it was in a TV show and everything. So Ali went to the Tisch School. And I remember when I was in a, in the life coach session with my son and with Jim, Jim was telling the story that he said to Ali, if you didn't have the guts to knock on the door of Tisch School and ask them if they were willing to take their first ever person in a wheelchair, what would have happened? She goes, well, I would have been sitting in my room, but they just happened to say yes.
But the no, she had so many more nos than yeses. The reason I'm just telling that story is because it was the first time I heard a story about Tisch School that melted my heart. And now you mention it with your thing. So I just wanted to tie that all together. I don't know if it's, if it is tied together, but tell me about the Tisch School and what it meant to you and, you know, and what happened after you got out of there and started your career.
[00:13:35] Speaker D: It's a great question. Well, I love Tisch School of the Arts. I would love to work there. I'd love to be part of their acting program. And they've changed a lot and it's a lot more expensive now.
So I can't, you know, there's some of that I have a hard time advocating for around the cost and getting priced out of getting an education you need or want. But the thing was Tish.
So I grew up in Chattanooga, Tennessee. I was fortunate enough to know some actors that were had lived professional careers in New York City, new people in la. And the advice I got while I wanted to go to LA a lot. First of all, my parents didn't want me to do that. My sister had already gone to California and we didn't see her for a long time.
So I had to stay. Like, what Was it like west of the east of the Mississippi or something like that? So I went as far north as I could. But we used to visit a cousin of ours, the only person in our family who lived in New York City. And she was on this famous soap opera at the time, Loving, which actual Bryan Cranston was in with her. No.
[00:14:40] Speaker B: No kidding.
[00:14:40] Speaker D: So years later, when we attended her funeral, I met him there. Um, and we ended up working together on a production years later. But all to say that for Boy from Tennessee, everyone told me, listen, just go to school in New York City. Doesn't matter where you go. Just go there. That's the place to be. You want to be in theater, that's your place. I was like, yeah, I love this place. That's where I want to be anyway.
[00:15:03] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:15:04] Speaker D: So the Tisch School of the Arts was, like, the pinnacle, one of the hardest schools to get into in the country. They accept 2% of applicants. Their acting program especially.
So Tisch has a lot of programs, but their theater program, you audition. And then at the time, they placed us in one of five professional studios around the city. So I actually went and studied with the teachers of Lee Strasberg Institute in Lee Strasberg Institute three days a week.
So I joked, like, I paid NYU tons of money to send me to Lee Strasberg, and then I took classes at NYU on the side, and I could have gone to Strasbourg and taken classes a lot cheaper. But what was cool about NYU is we got to know people in different departments, film and tv, and then we could switch studios. So while a lot of studios thought like, the Method or our Method is the best, or Stella Adler was like, we're the best, or Atlantic's like, we're the best. I studied at all of them.
And.
But going to Tisch meant, like, it was a huge. No one I knew was going to New York in the south for school, first of all.
And it was a huge expense. So not only was it a win that I got in academically was massive for me, who had overcome a lot of learning differences. Now learning like that school is all made up, those styles and whatever, but I managed to get my scores up enough to get into a huge school, and then you have to get into Tisch. So my audition was so great that my dad argued and pitched. We got an acting scholarship. So our family couldn't afford it. I got in the school, and my dad didn't know how to tell me we couldn't afford afford it. And so then we got a scholarship. We took on all these loans.
[00:16:43] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:16:44] Speaker D: And then getting the job for Dell paid for the whole thing. So going to Tisch School, the arts was like a really special thing. I feel like I went there and kind of took classes at nyu and it was nice to be held and for the first time, be cool and sexy as an actor was like, thank God, because I grew up in the South.
[00:17:01] Speaker A: There we go.
[00:17:02] Speaker D: An all boys school. I was hazed so badly for being wanting anything to do with theater or magic, really. And suddenly, like, in New York's, like, magic was sexy, theater was sexy. Yeah. There was a lot of cool stuff, you know.
[00:17:15] Speaker B: What a change.
[00:17:17] Speaker D: Yeah. It was a wild change of culture, for sure, but much needed so we.
[00:17:22] Speaker B: Could dive into the culture change from Tennessee to New York. We can dive into the whole Dell story, how you got that and what it was like. And then we can also dive into the 911 grief. And I don't want to pick one and not the others. So we're going to go through all that stuff in a concise fashion.
[00:17:42] Speaker D: So offer something here, Drew.
[00:17:44] Speaker B: Please do.
[00:17:45] Speaker D: They're quite connected, actually.
[00:17:46] Speaker B: I could tell they are.
[00:17:47] Speaker D: Especially this, the last, the two and three. Really?
[00:17:51] Speaker B: So why don't you connect them instead of me asking any specific questions, Connect them for us, because I know this is going to be seamless. So go ahead.
[00:18:00] Speaker D: Well, thank you. And, you know, just speaking out loud. I can see how I was kind of born into adversity. And I see my father as a shepherd of healing through adversity. And my mom is someone who did that. Even interviewing her now about all the places she's traveled and gone. As a southern woman who grew up in the 40s in Tennessee is very rare.
And that my parents, divorce taught them to go be themselves. Like they finally is. Like, they got permission to be themselves after they quit trying to have this marriage that was toxic. It wasn't fun to grow up in that space.
[00:18:39] Speaker A: Right.
[00:18:40] Speaker D: They loved each other, but it wasn't healthy. And then my father became the first openly gay minister in the south in the Episcopalian diocese.
[00:18:48] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:18:49] Speaker D: And he learned how he got. I watched him go through hospitalized depression coming out, first identifying as bisexual and then gay. And then, like, all the healing he did. And then he started a sexual support group for men. Sexual abuse support group, Houston. Okay. At our church. And so I was so exposed to getting help.
[00:19:14] Speaker B: Sure.
[00:19:14] Speaker D: And after, you know, I was making so much money as the Dell dude.
It was such a life change. It's something I wanted. It's why I was going to New York, but it was pulling me out of college, but also paying for college.
And I was getting so many auditions and so much new like news interviews and it was like the highest grossing commercial and like they were studying us in business school. It was just immense growth. And I was so scared because I felt like I was never going to be taken seriously. And there's some part of me that got so caught up in that that I was like putting the brakes on because I felt like I was being sold off as a commodity into the world and I was trying to study, okay. Like I wanted to be taken serious as an artist, not just yell dude for the rest of my life.
[00:20:06] Speaker B: So you didn't think you were being taken seriously because it was a commercial talking about.
[00:20:09] Speaker D: Yeah, I didn't feel taken seriously. But in hindsight I realized that's exactly what America needed during that time after 9, 11 and things. They needed humor, they needed something to like.
Yeah, you know. And so I wasn't aware of how much power I had and unfortunately I really self sabotage and going through that traumatic experience of September 11 also it had me see how, how short life is, you know, to do what you love. But also I was, I was like imploding, okay. And I was pouring drugs and alcohol on everything and I was. My anxiety was through the roof, my depression was through the roof. And the only person I could ask for help was my dad.
[00:20:56] Speaker B: I was going to ask one of.
[00:20:57] Speaker D: The men who I'd called to, you know, and, and my mom, she just, she was more of a like low risk kind of like conservative liver. And my dad was kind of like if you spend it, you gotta go for it, you know. She wasn't driving me to New York like he was. She was not thrilled about that. But the he came, he flew up to New York and he. Okay. I hadn't opened my mail for three months. That's how bad my depression and anxiety was. My bills were all red. You know, I even had some money. But this is where, you know, I think we can all learn is like I just needed help and I couldn't. I wasn't in a place I could even ask for it. But if someone I know I needed. I just couldn't walk myself there. So having my father walk me there really taught me.
I got on medication.
It took me another 10 years to get off drugs and alcohol. I kept drinking for a long time and it took a lot more, you know. That's why I said I have some other stories that times that changed my life that I had to get. It got way darker before it got brighter. But that was all my learning lesson. And now I'm able to help anyone with ptsd. I can help veterans now. I'm able to understand the deepest, darkest depression and suicide. I'm able to under. I've lost friends to suicide and family members, and I'm able to understand death and life in a profound way. And I didn't get to be a father or we had a miscarriage. That was traumatic for our relationship. I'll say. And now I realize I get to be a father in new ways. So there's a lot of different ways we can look at what we're given and the lessons we're taught. And so those different things, really, I hope I connected them for you there, because it really informed everything.
[00:22:51] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:22:52] Speaker D: And I. Even today, I'm thinking from meeting you, oh, I gotta write a book. And it's called dude, you're getting well, because that's my podcast.
[00:22:59] Speaker B: I love it.
[00:23:00] Speaker D: And can I share one more thing?
[00:23:03] Speaker B: Please do.
[00:23:04] Speaker D: You can't see it, but for the listeners, I'm wrangling something off the wall here. And this is a framed. This is for Drew's eyes only, but right now. But this is a framed cutout from the newspaper. From the. This is the Associated Press. But this was on CNN Headline News. It you're getting a sell. And so this was ticking along the bottom of CNN Headline News while I was in jail, because my tagline from Dell Computers was, dude, you're getting a Dell.
[00:23:33] Speaker B: Yeah, they.
[00:23:34] Speaker D: So these things have been flipped. And Dell was such a source of shame that at one point, I was working on a men's group. I mean, dude was. And I was like, oh, my God, I have to call my men's organization. Like, dude something. And so it became Dude School and then the Dude Nation and that. And I was able to literally reclaim one of the biggest.
If you said dude to me 10 years ago, you would have flipped.
[00:24:03] Speaker B: I.
[00:24:03] Speaker D: It wouldn't have land. I wouldn't have flipped, but it wouldn't have landed well. And now I'm like, oh, my God. That's a. My rite of passage. This is what I'm there to do.
[00:24:13] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:14] Speaker D: And to have a conversation.
[00:24:15] Speaker B: I have a question for you. This will be on YouTube. Is that okay? If that's.
[00:24:20] Speaker D: Oh, yeah.
[00:24:21] Speaker B: Okay. I just want to make sure. Because I don't edit.
[00:24:23] Speaker D: Oh, yeah. That photo is on lots of places. I just make.
[00:24:25] Speaker B: Because I don't edit. I don't edit anything on. I don't edit anything on this on the podcast. So I want to make sure it's okay.
[00:24:30] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah, bring it on. I have actually. I'm going to plug one more thing. Well, you'll. We'll say it at the beginning at the end, but on YouTube. One of my clients actually told me he watched it and he said this is so such incredible piece of art that you're hiding and not telling the world about that you must tell and share this with everyone. And it's a one man show that I did 10 years ago. It's 20 minutes. It's called dude, you're going to hell and it's on YouTube and it's based on this whole thing and it's sort of my reclamation. Or wait.
Yeah, yeah, I think that's, that's the title I've got again.
[00:25:10] Speaker B: That's right, we got it. Yeah.
[00:25:11] Speaker D: Just. But it's the reclamation of, of setting ourselves free.
And so I actually made an art piece about it and yeah. So I wanted to.
[00:25:20] Speaker B: All right, so that, so that headline said, dude, you're.
[00:25:23] Speaker D: You're going getting a cell.
[00:25:24] Speaker B: You're getting a cell. Because it was getting a Dell. Now the cell thing was because of.
Was. It was a drug jail.
[00:25:31] Speaker A: It was.
[00:25:32] Speaker D: I got arrested because. In a kilt. Because I was the dull dude.
[00:25:35] Speaker B: That's something that's legal now.
[00:25:37] Speaker D: Yeah. For some cannabis.
[00:25:38] Speaker B: Cannabis. Can you believe that? All right.
[00:25:40] Speaker D: Anyway, yeah, for like a very small amount, but they caught the guy dealing it to me on the street and that was part of how crazy. But it was.
It ended a five hundred thousand dollar contract with Dell.
[00:25:54] Speaker B: That's what it. Yeah, it affected you in ways that you, you.
[00:25:59] Speaker D: Yeah. So. But I, you know, could.
That's one of those things like had that not happened, would I be on the path I'm on today? I, I mean I might still be. I might be addicted to drugs or dead. I don't know.
[00:26:12] Speaker B: All right, so. So when that happened and you saw that ticker thing, which man were you? One, two or three at that time? Were you the victim or did you at that point take ownership of whatever was happening? Because I could. I would definitely fall into the victim thing.
[00:26:31] Speaker D: So yeah, I was definitely, I was definitely in the victim place for sure. I was not well and.
Oh, okay. Hold on. I just wanted to rephrase this.
[00:26:45] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:26:46] Speaker D: The X. The, the show, the one man show is called dude, you're getting a cell. I remember there was like. I went back and forth about what I was going to call it.
[00:26:55] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:26:56] Speaker D: I looked at it. This is called that. That's much better.
[00:26:59] Speaker B: So we're gonna watch that.
All right. So.
[00:27:02] Speaker D: Yeah. Did I answer your question?
[00:27:03] Speaker B: Well, yeah, you did. No, you did. And now.
Now with you being the victim, and then we get to 9 11, let's say, how'd you dig yourself out of that grief, out of that and gain that freedom that you have now to change you as a stronger man?
[00:27:26] Speaker D: It's a great question.
Well, eventually, I went back and I did another course at Landmark, and there was a leadership training program I was in. And one of the exercises was talking about our greatest fears.
[00:27:42] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:27:43] Speaker D: And it was like a freedom from fear exercise. And we wrote first, and I ended up writing about my experience with September 11th. And there's something that hit me, and I don't remember how it hit me, if it was in sharing it or in the writing process, but, yeah.
Something about that exercise uncovered that I had been wearing I'm a victim of 911 as a badge of honor.
[00:28:11] Speaker A: Interesting. Okay.
[00:28:12] Speaker D: When actually it had been a scarlet letter. So when you ask which man I was, literally, if you had interviewed me 20 years ago.
[00:28:20] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:28:21] Speaker D: In the first three minutes of talking to me, I would have said, blah, blah, blah. And I'm. I'm a victim of 9 11.
And I didn't realize how much that was crushing me.
[00:28:32] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:28:33] Speaker D: It helped me process it. Right. Like, because my body went numb at some point. My. My fight or flight response got numb, and then I wanted to, like, reconnect to it, and I had to remind myself that I had been impacted. But, yeah, it became so rote that suddenly, by seeing that, I realized I had permission. A coach asked me, do you want to let go of that?
[00:28:57] Speaker A: Yeah. Good question.
[00:28:58] Speaker D: And we just did an exercise where I practiced, like, dropping this pen. Like, it was that thing.
[00:29:04] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:29:04] Speaker D: He said, did it work? I was like, no. Like, all right, let's do it again. I dropped it. And then I think, like, the third time, it was, like, this spiritual experience, I'll call it, where something let go. And I saw. And just enough of a crack of an opening.
[00:29:21] Speaker B: Awesome.
[00:29:22] Speaker D: To where, like, oh, this is my light, and maybe there's something I can start to help other people through. And I started to make a lot of art about it. I made a movie you can watch. We are the Hartmans. I was a producer and the lead actor with the late, great Richard Chamberlain.
[00:29:38] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:29:39] Speaker D: And it's about occupying a music venue to. To try to save this town from everything that's being taken away. And my character was a Drummer and who worked in the music venue as the sound guy. And it was owned by this, like, Willie Nelson character played by Richard Chamberlain. But my character has just returned in his 20s from Afghanistan, from being a veteran.
[00:30:03] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:30:03] Speaker D: And so I applied everything I knew about ptsd, and I was interviewing veterans and active military, and I started to work out through this romantic comedy, this feature film. We created a lot of what I was going through, and even though I wasn't sober yet, I was. I was really dealing with this stuff.
[00:30:22] Speaker B: Right. Sure.
[00:30:22] Speaker D: And then getting sober was the extra piece where I put down alcohol long enough to. It's been 12 and a half years, but it took, you know, long enough. Like, it took a week or two or three or a month or three months to start to get a little clarity that maybe there was a problem and some other things that. Okay, the alcohol was a symptom of. And so that's why I always. I don't judge anyone, that we always use things to deal with stuff and. But what's underneath it.
[00:30:51] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:30:52] Speaker D: And that's what my focus today is, to give people freedom from suffering.
[00:30:56] Speaker B: Well, that's all right. I want to get to that because I. I'm tired of everybody addressing symptoms and not root causes. So. So let's get to root causes. So. So you drop the pen for the third time. You see that light?
You're walking through that light now, Ben. And now you have come out on the other side and tell us what you're doing now professionally. I love talking about Dude Nation. Tell me what you're doing for men. Ptsd, suicide, grief, all that kind of stuff.
[00:31:27] Speaker D: You got it.
Well, first of all, I'm teaching other men how to shine their own light on their darkness and their light.
So I'm the CEO and founder of the Dude Agent, Dude Nation, which is one of the largest growing movements for healthy masculinity on the planet. But we're an organization. We started as one person out of.
Out of New York City, and we host experiences both in person and online to support men in all walks of life, ages 18 to. To death. And we also now are starting a youth initiative as well.
We really encourage intergenerational work. All of our circles have multiple ages of men. We started online during the pandemic to support the influx of mental health and the actual. Like, what do we do? And being open to that. And also as an answer to.
Men have been taught to do everything alone, and we could all use a little support now.
And I was the only man in spaces of women. Mostly and of healing. But it was like, where are all the guys? And so I became curious about how to support us as I saw our suicide rates going up.
And so that is a really great way that I get to support humans in all walks of life. We have a sister organization, few nonprofits we work with, including women funding the world. And we really are out to change the narrative. And we host Dude Con, which is a conversation inside of a conference around healthy masculinity. So we have, we invite men's organizations from all over the world to participate and speak on their perspective so we can learn from each other rather than saying like, we're the right way.
And so that really fills a lot of my time. I'm also an executive coach through Treehouse Coach.
So I'm one of the founders and head coaches there and we coach executives and I'm a chief well being officer both in that organization and in the world. And that's kind of the space I say I hold in the world now is I'm your well being wingman.
And through Treehouse and the Dude Nation, we've partnered to develop an AI coaching conversational agent. Like a coach in your pocket, a brother on your shoulder that you can call 24 hours a day for personal professional support. Be it. It's designed for men and it's trained in men's mental health.
[00:34:06] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:34:06] Speaker D: And will not and. And is really safe and well held and private and secure.
[00:34:12] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:34:13] Speaker D: And it also can support all genders in all conversations.
[00:34:16] Speaker B: Yeah. I love nothing that's AI for good. Because AI in the right hands is going to be for good and AI cannot be.
[00:34:24] Speaker D: And we're training. It learns from everyone. So I'm like, if you don't like what it says telling you tell it, you know, tell us exactly. But we designed it to go send people back out in the world, not to stay on with it. To, to if you're in crisis, go call 988 if you want to talk. If you need an actual coach, like we can schedule a call with Ben Curtis. Yeah, you need an intervention or if you need them, you know, we, we have a lot of access and tools. So that's 845470, dude.
So if you type that in your phone, it'll actually call. I don't even know what the dude stands for anymore because it doesn't matter. You type in dude, it'll call it.
[00:35:05] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:35:06] Speaker D: So 845470, dude. So we're launching it for free this month and we're going to Start charging. And I'm also the lead singer and co founder with. Sorry, not lead singer. Co. Lead singer and co founder of my band Dirty Mae with my wife Cassie Fireman. And so she and I have had an award winning indie folk band for the last 10 years. We tour the country and it's part of our medicine and our relationship.
[00:35:36] Speaker B: Beautiful.
[00:35:37] Speaker D: I love that we heal, grow, we do get paid and we curate experiences for people and we also bring conversations about well being to artists and music festivals. So I coach a lot.
[00:35:50] Speaker B: What was the name of the Dirty May?
I love it.
[00:35:58] Speaker D: We're a little sassy, a little classy and a little dirty and it's kind of like this New Orleans. We don't take ourselves too seriously. We got a very diverse music and we are starting to write a whole new album about things we've been through in our relationship.
[00:36:13] Speaker B: It's going to help a lot of people doing it that way too.
[00:36:15] Speaker A: I love.
[00:36:15] Speaker D: Oh man. I mean not everyone can spend that time with their partners but if you can spend. We only do it a couple hours a week and then we all.
[00:36:23] Speaker B: You need.
[00:36:23] Speaker A: Right?
[00:36:24] Speaker D: Yeah. So those are really, you know, I grow circles around people and men and I'm really passionate about supporting well being conversations professionally and personally.
[00:36:35] Speaker B: Well, this is a perfect segue then because I definitely know the audience has captured the essence of Ben Curtis. So folks, you're going to want to get in touch with Ben. Ben has suggested his email is the best way.
So that's Ben B E
[email protected]. so email Ben, connect with him.
It'll. It'll be a healthy endeavor.
[00:36:58] Speaker D: And the dudenation.com is our website.com.
[00:37:01] Speaker B: That'S, that's the good website to hit.
We've covered a lot and now I want to get to my. The last two questions I want to ask you.
[00:37:10] Speaker A: Great.
[00:37:11] Speaker B: All right, so I'm going to use your imagination.
You're sitting down in your happy place and you're sitting with 7 to 10 year old Ben Curtis and you want to tell 7 to 10 year old Ben, your younger self some advice about life.
What are you going to tell them, Ben?
[00:37:34] Speaker D: I just got really moved.
I'm going to need a moment, Drew.
[00:37:39] Speaker B: Fine. Take.
[00:37:39] Speaker C: Take a moment my friend.
[00:37:40] Speaker A: Take a moment.
[00:37:48] Speaker D: 10 year old bed was really struggling.
[00:37:50] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:37:57] Speaker D: I think I would tell him that.
I didn't expect to get choked up. Thank you for the space to be vulnerable here.
[00:38:05] Speaker B: Yes, absolutely.
[00:38:08] Speaker D: I would tell him that the pain and everything he's afraid of and his sensitivity is one day Going to be his superpower and all this stuff he's going through, he's going to help change the world and just to keep being him and be as loud and proud and unapologetic and fuck you to what anyone thinks as he can be.
Because he was really scared and scared to speak up and really stand out in a place I think that needed him, you know, the culture I grew up and needed more of me, I think. And I was really terrified and I spent so much time trying to fit in. I think we all do as kids.
[00:38:50] Speaker A: I think so, yeah.
[00:38:52] Speaker D: And adults, like we actually need our individualism, not, not our complacency, you know, or chameleon this. We need what makes us unique and special.
That's why I love being around heart centered people and men like yourself, because it allows me to be more open to mine.
[00:39:09] Speaker B: Well, I want to thank you for your vulnerability. We all feel it and you know it's true. For some reason, once we turn 18 and people tell us we went from child to adult, we start to ignore our inner child and our inner child's still inside of us, no matter how old we are.
And I think the advice that I'm sure Ben would give and that I would give is start saying yes to your inner child. I don't care how old you are or what place in life you are, you start saying yes to your, to your younger self, to your inner child. You're saying yes to life, you know?
Yeah. I once said that I told somebody that I would, I would, I would die for my kids.
And he asked me, would you live for your kids?
And I said, ho, I hadn't thought of it that way.
Yeah. And so I started changing a few things so I could start living with my kids rather than saying I would die for them in any event.
Thank you.
[00:40:07] Speaker D: That's really powerful. Hold on. That's really powerful. Yeah, yeah, I'm writing that down. I hope that resonates with other people as well because you know, people are like, oh wow, you do so much. And I'm like, I just do what I love, that is my self care. If I'm not, I'm not well.
And so I really encourage everyone, whether it's professionally or personally or just a hobby or once in a lifetime, do what you love.
[00:40:33] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:40:34] Speaker D: You know, why do anything else?
[00:40:35] Speaker B: Let's switch gears now. You're speaking with young Ben, the young entrepreneur, young businessman. You want to give him advice?
What would you tell him, knowing what you know now?
[00:40:47] Speaker D: It's a great question too. I. I always have had an. A really good entrepreneur hat side of me.
[00:40:53] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:40:55] Speaker D: And that I'm like, how young do I go? I've been doing business since I was like Ted. I was creating things. So, I mean, I had my first business as a magician at age 13, like branded marketing.
But I think, like, the entrepreneur I really want to talk to is the, like 19, 20 year old who really was starting to step into his power and feeling like it had to be acting or he had to be taken seriously.
I want to tell him I've already cursed once on here. Can I curse again?
[00:41:28] Speaker B: That's right. That's. This is totally open. I love it.
[00:41:30] Speaker D: Okay. I want to tell him to lighten the up.
[00:41:33] Speaker A: Good, good.
[00:41:35] Speaker D: Take himself less seriously.
[00:41:37] Speaker B: Right?
[00:41:37] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:41:37] Speaker D: And enjoy the ride.
[00:41:39] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:41:39] Speaker D: Like, just hold on a little longer. Hold on and ask for more help.
[00:41:46] Speaker A: Love it. Absolutely.
[00:41:47] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:41:48] Speaker B: Ben, I want to thank you for not just coming on, coming into my life, for being who you are.
Continue, please continue being the human being you are. You're doing a lot of good for others. And in turn, you're helping yourself to hug your wife for me. You guys sound like an awesome duo.
And just take care of yourself.
[00:42:11] Speaker A: I will.
[00:42:12] Speaker D: Thank you. You do the same. And if you need support, you know who to reach out to. Even if I don't always call you back. You know, that's. That's the great thing about getting to be human. Like, we get to also say like, hey, sorry, and do you still want to talk?
[00:42:27] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:42:28] Speaker D: And. And also what's cool about AI is that, like, I don't. You can now talk to something all the time if you want. That can be supportive. But humans are important. So call your fellow human and tell them you love them while they're still alive.
[00:42:42] Speaker B: Absolutely. Everybody out there, please take care of yourselves.
Thanks so much for listening. If you enjoyed the episode, please subscribe and give us a review to help others find it.
I'd like you to answer this question.
Are you living the life you want to live, or are you living the life others want you to live? I'd like you to think about that for a second because I strongly suggest you live the life you want to live. If you want to learn more about what I stand for and my services and how I'm able to help many.
[00:43:16] Speaker C: Men get out of their own way.
[00:43:19] Speaker B: Please go to my website at www.prophetcompassion.com.
feel free to also email me at drewrophetcompassion.com I'd love to have a conversation with you take care of yourself and choose to write your own story instead of letting others write it for you.
